a listener production. Hello and welcome to this special bonus Mother's Day episode of the podcast.
Earlier this week you might have heard mum and I answering your beautiful questions. It was such
a special chat. It was moving, funny and full of heart. Now we had so much fun and we even shared
a few tears that I've invited my mum-o back into the studio for another episode. But this time we're
mixing things up, we're flipping the script and asking each other the questions and here is the
twist. Neither of us know what is coming. There is a mystery jar in the studio and it's full of
surprise questions and we'll be pulling out of that jar as we go. We can't wait to share
this conversation with you. Okay mum-o, you're up first. What is the most ridiculous thing
I've ever told you as advice? Oh what is the most ridiculous thing you've ever told me?
I like to think that your advice is very good. I don't always take it. You certainly don't.
And especially when I was younger I didn't like to take your advice. Now I think the most ridiculous
piece of advice you give me is about my hair. Because mum-o always says to me, oh your hair
it's a bit short. Oh I don't like the colour. And then she'll send me text messages saying it's a
bit Bridget Nielsen. And for those of you who don't remember Bridget Nielsen that was, she used to be
married to Sylvester Stallone and she had very short blonde peroxided hair. So mum is very cheeky
about my hair. So I think that's the most ridiculous piece of advice you've ever given me. Alright,
alright. She'll still keep doing it though. Of course I will, I won't change that.
Oh my turn now. Oh this will be good mum-o. Be honest, what's one time you totally lied to me
and got away with it? Oh I've never told a lie.
What's a goodie? This is a goodie. As a family I mean if we tell a fib we can usually look at each
other's face and say that's not true, you're telling a fib. I'm a shocker too, I'm not a good
liar at all. I start smirking and smiling. I've totally got away with it. I can think of a time
which I think was a lie mum-o. Alright you better answer it and then I'll say if it was or not.
Well I'm a crazy cat lady and we always had pussy cats growing up and mum-o said to me that our cat
had a terrible abscess on its back and it had to be put to sleep at the vet and I still to this day
I don't believe it because I think mum just got sick of the cat. We never saw an abscess
but we came home from school and mum said to me oh the cat had a terrible abscess.
This it had the cat did, it was called Moggy, it did have an abscess and its other problem was we
lived in these dreadful flats and the cat would get up on the roof and it would yell
for hours on end and people would say cats always come down. Well this cat did not come down and you
would have to get people with ladders to get the cat and bring it down and then an hour later the
cat would have gone up again and started to yell and people complained but then the cat did get an
abscess and perhaps the vet could have treated the abscess but I perhaps decided that it would be
kinder to the cat to put it to sleep so that's all I can say about that question.
Okay now your turn now. Well I hope this is one that's going to twist you in knots.
What has surprised you the most about being a mother? That my daughters would teach me so much.
I had this idea when I was pregnant and then when my girls were little that I would be the teacher,
that I would be dispensing wisdom and telling them things and showing them what to do and all
of that never expecting what they would show me. And they'd say you're not the boss of me.
Did we ever say that to you? Yes.
But it's wonderful what they teach me and I love that. Okay my turn now. If you could change one
thing about us as a mother-daughter what would you change? Oh I'm getting all the hard ones.
Is whoever wrote these questions for us. That is Nick our wonderful leopard lady producer and what's
so terrific is Petey. When I had Petey in here he said the same thing. Did he? Who wrote these questions?
Well I am going to speak to Nick afterwards and comment on some of these questions because I
wouldn't want to change anything about my daughters now because I think even if I regretted either
some things they did or some things I did regrets I've learned are the most they're hard not to have
but they're the most pointless thing to have because I simply cannot if I live
another day if I live a thousand years if I cannot change anything about the past.
Nothing. I can't even change what I just said about Nick our producer. So regrets are pointless.
I simply cannot change the past. So why regret the way things might have been at some stage or
other. Things I just accept how wonderful my daughters are and accept them with their
good parts and their flaws because we all have flaws. Yeah and we we try to be tolerant of each
other about them. That's an interesting word tolerant because there are times I know when
I can irritate mum-o I sneeze too loudly and she gets most annoyed when I sneeze loudly.
I was incredibly messy. I still am messy but as a teenager that would drive you up the wall.
My mess and my chaos and oh you're doing mmm which you tease me about.
Mum always likes to pick me up on the fact that when I listen I'm an active listener I often go
mmm. Oh now I think it's my it's your turn. Yes. Hopefully you might get a curly one for me now.
I hope so. What's the one thing you'd love for me to always remember about you?
My joy and my sense of fun and my big heart. Which are absolutely the things I'll remember
about you and your kindness to everybody. You always look for the positive in people
before you look for them. It takes you a long time to feel that you have to be negative about
something. Always positive. Yeah that's right. Oh thanks mum-o. Oh no. When were you most
impressed by me and when were you most disappointed by me? I was most impressed by you.
Oh I've been I've been so impressed with you so so many times because every time I see you doing
a charity function or introducing your children to something and I go back to the little girl
who was so shy and so scared and would drag my clothing practically off. She was hanging
onto it so tightly and if someone came up to speak to me you would hide behind me and just
shivering and quivering. You were so shy. Family photos. You were you had moved yourself
to the side and you were hiding your face. All that sort of thing and yet as time went by
you've turned into this gracious confident warm person that with charisma I would say that people
gravitate towards and that constantly makes me happy. And the second part was when was I
yeah. When were you most disappointed by me? Disappointed. Ah. Because I remember growing up
as a teenager that was the worst thing you could ever possibly say. Oh I'm disappointed in you.
That sense of oh no and that was awful feeling. Yeah I think it was probably when we had a problem
with the kitty litter and Jessica's cat so Jessica was to be in charge of it and the kitty litter was
in the bathroom. It was a very funny old flat and Jessica never cleaned it out and it was just the
smell was terrible and I thought right I know what I'm doing with this. I'm going to put it in her
bedroom. That'll force her to clean the kitty litter but it didn't and I was very disappointed.
Very. What I think is really quite funny is that the kitty litter dramas continue
into adulthood. Do they? Well Petey is now responsible for cleaning our kitty litter
with our pussy cats because I still don't do it. So that is so disappointing.
It doesn't disturb me. I can't really smell it but so he doesn't. I remember that though and it
was at the time when as a teenager there weren't the fancy kitty litter boxes. It was in cardboard
pots that got really soggy. And you were doing your HSC and this poor young man used to come
to give you tutoring in maths. In physics as well. In physics in your bedroom and the kitty
litter was in there and the smell was there and I just actually thought no this is not my
responsibility. I am not doing anything with this but I was ashamed. I was so ashamed and this poor
fellow had to sit in that room and Jessica didn't care a bit. Did you pass physics? Just I hated it.
Oh that's so funny. Now it's your turn Mummo.
What is the biggest challenge we have faced as a family? I think for us the biggest challenge
has been mental illness in our family. That's definitely been the biggest challenge.
But I think what's important to remember is all families have their challenges. That was our one
and we found a way through it and thanks to love, connection, communication
and it's really shaped us as a family in a positive way.
Yeah which is quite extraordinary isn't it that it's a positive way and we've used our experience
of that to I think to change ourselves as people in many ways. Anyway I've jumped in on your answer.
But it's a conversation and you're so right and it reminds me too of a fabulous piece of
advice that you gave to me and I still use this and I share it with my girls about sometimes in
life things happen that you have no control over but there is a choice with how you decide to deal
with it and that has been so powerful for me because things can happen that are out of your
hands that you feel powerless over but this is then okay well what am I what can I control in
this situation? How can I choose to deal with this and it's a way of empowering you and that
has helped me not only through our family dealing with mental illness but my own challenges with
postnatal depression and other sorts of struggles in my life that when you think no why is this
happening? And sometimes there's no rhyme or reason but I can control what can I do in this
situation. I remember I got that when I was about aged 30 from a very wise therapist and I'd be
raving on to her about well this happened and that happened and she would just quietly say
so what are you going to do about it? What is your choice? This has happened.
Okay it's happened. You can't change that and it was so wise I've never forgotten it
and I still apply it when you know things are getting tough or sometimes when I'm in a quandary
do I go this way or that way? Again I pause when agitated and then think I've got a choice here now
I can't be I'm not going to be bulldozed or anything I've got a choice I hope it's the
best one and then I go for it after thought yes. It's such good advice. It is isn't it?
Yeah. What is the hardest thing about being a mum? Well I think one of the hardest things
for me now being a mum is that I love my children so much that when I see them in
any sort of emotional or physical or mental pain and this applies to my grandchildren as well
I share their pain and I wish I could take it away but of course I can't I can't but I think
that's one of the hardest things that you haven't got a magic wand and I think in our family sometimes
we've thought oh if we just had a wand and we could solve this one we don't. I'd love a wand
yes and so that to me is hardest. I echo that I think that is the hardest when I see my girls
struggling or in pain or going through difficult times I want to fix it or I would take it in a
heartbeat what they're going through if it would save them from feeling that pain and yet of course
on the other side as you say save them feeling the pain but in the best of all possible worlds
they are going to learn through that pain so there is that other side of the equation
because you don't learn if everything is just laid out for you. I think we learn an awful lot
through our difficulties and how we again how we deal with them so yeah. Don't you think though
sometimes it's that notion of but haven't we gone through enough oh yes oh yes I've learned enough
this year or that's right this lifetime not yet you think oh no not stop it stop it you know
stop the world I want to get off you know
oh name three things we completely 100 percent disagree on okay yes all right my hair yes meagre
markel that's controversial and muffins yes I don't like muffins mum can't stand muffins
and also I love meagre markel and I have a fabulous mug that's got harry and megan it was
like when they got married and whenever mum comes to stay I serve her morning coffee in the mug
don't I you do but that's pretty spot on though those three things oh they are isn't it
what's your favorite thing about our relationship oh I mean that's the the fun we have and the love
we share oh just oh it's just everything just having you is the favorite thing I can't believe
I have the three daughters that I have even one middle one who says she's the favorite
that's not true I have three most precious daughters and how could this happen to me
it it's just wonderful just wonderful yeah we're lucky to have you oh describe me in three words
oh describe okay describe mummo in three words wise funny very funny and blunt
yes yes but which is a terrific trait in terms of you say exactly what you think
you're not left wondering one way or the other that's right like jessica that hair's too blonde
it's not too blonde you see see mama's have you got my hair again yeah but what I and I agree I
am blunt but I do over the years I've tried to be gentler to not judge and to be more tolerant
of things and so I can be blunt with people like jessica but I not to be unkind to other people
in things that wouldn't be kind to say to them if it doesn't need to be said don't say it
but except to jessica and you are so kind it is funny what you say about what you can say to me
because also I'll share with our listeners what might happen sometimes there might be
photos that I've posted and I'm out with Giselle and Allegra or and mum will just send me a text
going love Giselle's outfit and won't say anything about mine or she'll just send me a message what
are you wearing or what exclamation mark and then love what the girls are wearing
well yeah I mean the listeners would know because they're listening they probably do see photos of
you jessica does wear some unusual outfits sometimes I can't believe them sometimes
but that's the fun of it and that's it and it is fun yes and yes and I like also to do it just to
see what reaction I might get from you too sometimes exactly exactly um that was three that's your turn
my turn oh what's something you did in your youth that you'd never want me to know about
but tell me now oh I'm going to speak to the producer oh I remember once I was at university
college and we had curfews this is no big deal when you think about it because I never smoked
dope and coca-cola in cups of tea were my favorite drinks but we had a curfew in a certain
year I think our first year it was 1 a.m. which was pretty good but I stayed out till three and
I remember there was an area in part of the college which was covered with ivy and bricks
and I managed to get footholds in the bricks and climbed up and got into a friend's
room and then went to my room so that's not really very bad I mean I think everybody's done things
like that yeah well that's it's not bad I think bad in inverted commas it's not bad at all it's
sort of what you do as a teenager exactly and I'm sure you probably knew this but there were times
not that I snuck out I couldn't from our unit in double bay because we just had the one
door that you would hear but there'd be times when I'd stay at friends houses
and and we'd sneak out that's right and the usual you know teenage thing I'm staying at
so-and-so's house and I'd say well I'm going to ring her mother to check that that's why
don't do that that is so embarrassing how can you do that and sometimes I wouldn't ring the other
mother and then of course I'd discover she wasn't Jessica was not staying over there at that house
she was at places unknown to me and she yes and here I am though still okay and you saying
though that I'm going to ring that mother that's so embarrassing I do that with my girls and they
do that say the same thing I would say to you that is so embarrassing no one else does that
no look it is but it is so important and even more so nowadays with the social media and this
sort of stuff you just don't know what's happening but I know Jessica and her friends up to all
sorts of mischief and they've all turned out beautiful women so yeah that was good
oh look what this is second last question oh what is one of my annoying habits
and what would I say is yours oh well you've mentioned it already the really really loud
sneezing that I mean I sneeze very loudly and you get so cross don't do that stop it I mean it really
is overwhelmingly loud and the habit of I love it the washing and sometimes there's the clean washing
and the dirty washing but it's quite hard sometimes to know if some of them have got intermingled
and then Jessica says and I'm going to take this and fold it in my little sitting room and where
she does her needle cross stitch and watches some television so she takes it in in the basket
she tips it all over the floor and it just stays there that to me is very strange and
absolutely doesn't annoy me because I don't live there but it must annoy other people
well it's you know what it does annoy Petey and he's a good folder as a result not only does he
clean the kitty litter but then he'll fold the washing so and what would I say is your annoying
habit yes well your annoying habit is coffee mommy's so particular about the coffee how she
likes her coffee made and so when she comes to stay it's nice and hot she likes to call out nice
and hot please but no froth on it because we have an espresso machine so inevitably
when I make it for you it's not hot enough and there's too much froth and I'll see you scraping
all the froth off the top of the coffee what though I find very amusing is I tease you about
saying nice and hot I now say it when I go and get a coffee from the barista I say nice and hot
please I'm sure the listeners don't think that's a really bad habit I'm sure they they like it nice
and hot and they don't want a lot of froth either and so generally at Jessica's I make my own now
and it looks like it's a lucky last lucky last
Oh what's been your favourite year of life and why?
For me now I love where I'm at now I love being in my 50s I think it's because I'm happier with who
I am and I'm more confident with doing things that bring me joy and I'm a lot more bold about
saying that's what I'm going to base my decisions around I love the stage that my daughters are at
and I love the relationship that I have with them I love the fun that you and I have
and so it's it's now I love where I'm at now and and it's exciting and and I think as women
there's something very powerful about being in your 50s and beyond because you're you're more
likely to push back against the fools and the the people that you used to let get under your skin
too much and that you used to listen to too much so I love that I think you've said it I mean
if I was to say oh such and such another year was my favourite it would be like saying
I'm sort of negating this year and it's all downhill from now on anyway because I'm
getting towards 80 I mean I've got to maintain my enthusiasm for life so this year has got to be
my favourite year as of now and like Jessica I had didn't understand about boundaries
over the years I've learned to put boundaries around things that were negative in my life
I've learned that being near people who are toxic to me is very important to say no I don't need
I don't need that coming off on me so it's being much more realistic about what I personally need
and what I can offer to other people and that is optimism hope one day at a time it says one year
at a time but I've got to say this year now and where I am now is the best time yeah.
Mummo I love you thank you for being a part of this really special Mother's Day episode
I am the luckiest daughter to have such a beautiful mum like you and thank you for
sharing your wisdom with me with our listeners and here's to so many incredible adventures
together. Jessica I mean I've just been privileged to be sharing this because I know you've done
about 140 podcasts or whatever so to be invited was just such a joy and I thought if people
realise how much I love Jessica and Harriet and Claudia and how much they've given me in my life
and the happiness they've brought me and all my grandchildren then I'm a most
privileged mother so thank you my darling. Happy Mother's Day. Thank you. Love you.