Hi, Gus Walland here and welcome to Not An Overnight Success brought to you by
Shaun Partners Financial Services. In this podcast we sit down with some very
successful people from the world of business, entertainment and sport to chat
about their life's journey and how they became the success that they are today.
In today's episode we are chatting to the legend Lane Beechley. Lane's
dedication to success made her the only surfer, male or female, to claim six
consecutive world titles and the only woman to have seven in total. She's the
officer of the Order of Australia, chair of Surfing Australia and founder of the
Awake Academy. In this chat Lane speaks openly about some experiences she faced
as a child like being conceived through assault and later adopted. That shaped
her into the fierce competitor that we came to know and love. Lane is a powerhouse
and the definition of what it means to be determined and driven. She is
vivacious and cheeky, she shares a passion for mental fitness and a big
takeaway from this chat are the lessons that Lane has learned about where we
focus our own time and energy. And of course this episode wouldn't be complete
without talking about Lane's marriage to Inexcess member Kurt Pengili. Without
mentioning any spoilers I'll tell you that it wasn't exactly love at first
sight. As for all of these podcasts, Shaun Partners have generously donated
$10,000 to the charity of the choice of each of our guests. We discussed where
that money goes in this chat. The executive producer of this podcast is
Keisha Pettit and we couldn't have done it without our great mate Kelly Stubbs.
Let's get into our chat with Lane Beechley. What were you like as a kid?
I was a shit kid. What do you mean by that? I was anti-establishment,
anti-rules. I grew up in the 70s so I had the freedom of no mobile phones, no
social media, come home when the street lights come on, the freedom to play, the
freedom to fail, the freedom to explore, discover, the freedom to maintain a sense
of independence. Freedom is a massive value of mine. It's probably my
overarching value. So as a kid, look, I was respectful but I was very, as you
can imagine, very competitive, quite tenacious, very determined and very
cheeky, just love to have fun. A bit like yourself now. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, you're just a
bigger version of it. Well, yeah, show me the woman, I'll show you the child. Yeah,
perfect. What were you like as a kid? I was, put me in a box and let me... What, like a
pussycat? Well, I was like, if you just give me my boundaries, I'll stay within
them to be honest with you. Oh wow. So my dad had left the family home. Such a good formist. I was very young. I sort of
felt like I had to do the right thing because mum had a lot on a plate and
my brother was a little bit more left of centre. So I was sort of the good kid.
Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, the golden wood child. A little bit, a little bit. The chosen one.
It's funny how, you know, the stories that we tell ourselves when something
traumatic happens, like a parent losing a parent, what role you now have to play
in the family home. So how old were you when your mum, I mean when your dad walked
up? So he, well, it was, now I look at it was officially around about nine. Oh. But
dad was very much an absent parent from about two or three because he was
travelling. So he was in a big job and, you know, dad's going away overseas. So
he'd be gone for three or four months back in the day. They didn't back and
forth back then. Yeah. It was a big thing getting on a 747 and flying the other
part of the world. So, you know, our relationship is much better now but, you
know, it was a long time there where I just really just missed him. Yeah. Just missed
having that male person. Yeah. What was it like in your family? What was your
Well, my dad, similar to your dad, travelled a lot and worked really hard to
provide for the family because back then that's what happened. The dad went to
work, the wife sat at home and cared for the children and sent them off to
school. My older brother, Jason, he's five years older and then my mother, Valerie,
she died when I was six. So the dynamic obviously changed dramatically but I was
always a tomboy. I was always playing with the boys and being one of the boys.
So I was very fortunate that at that age I didn't have that true understanding of
the concept of forever, the understanding of losing someone so significant as
impactful as my mother. And I wasn't a real mummy's girl anyway. So I apologise
if you can hear all that banging in the background. Of course, the one day that
you come over to do an interview, someone's deciding to do some renovations
on their house just down the street. Absolutely fine. Okay. You've been quite
open about sort of your family set up and how it all started for you. Can you
tell us about that? Yes, I was adopted into the Beechley family. I always say I
was adopted into a beach loving family, last name Beechley, become a pro surfer.
Ta-da! So good. Very fortunate twist of fate. But if only it was also easy and,
you know, rainbows and unicorns, which we all know it isn't. And the common theme
amongst adoptees is this fear of rejection, this sense of worthlessness,
this abandonment mentality. You know, we've been abandoned and rejected
versus being accepted into another family. And I was very fortunate that I was
adopted into such a loving family. You know, when Valerie gave birth to Jason,
she had some severe complications, wasn't able to have more children.
They decided they did want another one. So they applied for an adoption.
And within 10 months, I was delivered to their doorstep. So well, in a hospital,
and they got to come pick me up. So very different to what it's like today,
which is the system around adoption in Australia is completely broken and needs
to be rectified and fixed very quickly. But you can have that discussion
with Debra Lee Finesse. Yeah. But from my point of view,
I was very grateful that the mother who did give birth to me,
my biological mother, Maggie, you know, I was conceived through date rape.
She was forced to give me up before I'd even been born.
And so from that emotional connection between mother and unborn child
in the womb, I figured was broken from the start, you know.
And so I felt deprived. And I'm only aware of this now.
It's not something I knew of when I was in the womb.
And it's not something I've become aware of in my teenage years or 20s.
It's taken me to my mid 40s to realise that I was deprived of joy.
I was deprived of love in the womb because I was not allowed to be kept.
And there was moments where she wanted to keep me.
And she fought really hard for that. But she was 16 years of age.
You know, there was no way that her parents were going to ever allow her
to do that. I was 17 years of age.
So in the end, yeah, I was adopted to the Beach Lease
and grew up with my older brother, Jason, and my dad, Neil,
and Val was there for a little while.
And then, yeah, so dad didn't choose to tell me I was adopted till I was eight.
And that was that catalyst moment in my life when I just went,
holy shit, everything that I thought about my life is now untrue.
Everything that I thought I belonged to, I no longer belonged to.
And the thing is, I did still belong to it.
There was still the truth of the family unit.
And the metaphysical connection.
But in my mind, I decided, hang on, I no longer belong to this unit.
I'm not from here.
And because I've been rejected by the mother who gave birth to me,
I decided that if I'm not worthy of her love, I'm not worthy of anyone's.
So that's why I decided I had to become a world champion.
Isn't that what most people do? Of course.
I mean, I thought it. Didn't do it though.
You just became a world champion human. Yeah, thank you.
So at the age of eight, why do you reckon he decided to tell you
what was the reasoning behind telling his daughter that I imagine was,
you know, very well balanced and enjoying life and so forth?
Why was eight a moment?
Yeah, kids started talking about it.
And you know how brutally honest kids can be.
There was an obvious fact that was very different to the rest of my family.
What to look at? Yeah.
Yeah, because they're all over six foot tall.
They're kind of pasty white.
I got brown hair and I was three foot nothing,
dark olive skin, bright blue eyes and bright blonde hair.
And they're like, where do you come from?
You didn't know that. You didn't see that.
No, I had this feeling.
There was a sense of kind of there was this restlessness.
But it's not until people start questioning me
did I start to question myself.
Yeah. Up until that point, I never questioned it.
But as you may know, that our brainwaves shift when we hit five or six years of age.
You know, we're in this narcissist state.
Where everything's happening to us and and how do we make sense of it?
And then when we hit that five or six year old state,
our brainwaves shift to a capacity to judge, criticise and analyse.
So being told I was adopted as an eight year old
was probably the worst time you could possibly tell me,
because now I can judge it and criticise it and analyse it
and work out how I fit into that versus just absorbing knowledge
and then digesting it the best that I can as a child.
So it was traumatic.
I felt like Alice in Wonderland and this tiny little girl
in this rather large chair that just decided to swallow me whole.
I really did want to fall into one of those little tunnels and just run away.
But that's when, yeah, I just went, OK, I've got to become a world champion
because now that's my vision.
That's my vision of success.
And the only way I'm going to be deserving of love is if I fulfil
my vision of becoming a world champion so far.
And then I won a world title.
I was like, no, this isn't enough yet.
Let's just do this another six times in a row and we'll see if I'm enough now.
We'll get to the surfing in a minute because there's lots to talk about there.
So as an eight year old,
you go through that moment and you come out the other side,
but you decide, I'm going to focus on being a champion surfer.
Is that because you had been surfing since the age of four?
OK, yes. And were you good?
Yeah, you just asked me.
Well, you didn't have to, I tell you.
Yes, being that independent tomboy who had a competitive spirit as a child.
Surfing was just a natural place for me to fall into.
At the time, in the 70s and 80s, it was an unviable vocation for women.
And I was strongly discouraged by my teachers,
by my peers, by my male counterparts.
But it was a place that I constantly daydreamed about.
I constantly longed to be in.
I was just so passionate about surfing.
And I never saw it as the means to an end.
I just saw it as a place where I felt like I truly belonged.
And that's all I craved. That's all we all crave.
That's what we're hardwired for, is to belong.
And that belonging comes from a true sense of connection.
And that's where I feel truly connected, is in the water, is in Mother Nature.
And it's where I feel like I truly surrender.
And once I had another awakening around that whole relationship
with joy in the womb is going back into the ocean for me,
is going back into the womb.
It's where I feel that sense of safety and that sense of connection and warmth.
And I just surrender to that.
I can almost feel it now. It's like, oh, I'm free.
Your happy place.
It is my happy place. Absolutely.
So I'm very fortunate that I've always had that relationship with the ocean.
And that was from being plonked in it before I could swim, before I could walk.
I fell in love with it then.
So learning to surf as a four year old, then
paddling out on my own as a five year old, surfing on my foamy
in the southern corner at Manly Beach until I'm 13,
and then progressing onto a fiberglass surfboard.
And then that was basically the stepping stone to a professional career.
Do you think you would have if you'd stayed with your birth mother,
do you think you would have been a surfer?
No, I probably would have been a tennis player because she lived in Surry Hills.
So I was pretty far from the ocean.
But I was always going to channel my competitive spirit into sport.
Yeah, that's just that.
That was the one subject at school I really loved. PE.
Maths, English, science, geography.
Yeah, I love it. But PE, let's play.
OK, so tennis might have missed someone.
No, tennis doesn't miss me.
Surfing doesn't miss me much either anymore.
But I still surf every day.
But no, tennis I loved and I played it as I was competing in surfing.
And I traveled the tour with a tennis racket and wiped a lot of my peers off the court.
They just hated me for all sorts of reasons.
I competed in the water and all that.
Can you play just a game for fun?
It's taken me almost 50 years to work that out.
So at what age did you just have a game of tennis
or had a surf and it was for fun?
And you went, I'm actually OK now, not being the best.
Do you have to have that type of attitude to be a world champion?
I definitely believed I had to.
And here's the question that everyone asked.
Do you think you had to have that level of drive
or that level of ferocity or that win at all cost mentality
to achieve the success you achieved?
And look, it fueled me and it served me.
And it gave me the impetus to do what I did.
But I have now since proven that I didn't have to be that tenacious,
compassionate, less tiger shark that I was tagged as as being.
But at the time, I thought that's what it took to win.
And because we all have a confirmation bias, we will constantly seek proof
of whatever we believe to anchor us in our proof and anchor us in our beliefs
and then validate our beliefs and therefore validate our behaviors.
So if you don't have that sense of consciousness or awareness
about your own confirmation bias and if you don't have the curiosity
and the courage to then poke holes in in all of the evidence
that's that's validating your belief, then you will constantly
be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And that's what I was throughout my professional surfing career
for the five of the six consecutive world titles,
because I've won seven world titles.
I won six of them consecutively.
The only athlete in surfing to ever do that, male or female.
But I've won five of them in a state of fear.
And that was world titles, two to six.
My career was bookended by love.
And that was one in seven.
Can you tell us more about that?
About love versus fear?
Yeah. So fear to me is win at all costs.
Love is surrendering and trusting in the process.
That's as simple as I can place it.
That's beautifully said.
And when I do talk to you, Lainey, we've been mates for over a decade now.
And it's always been on a, you know, a basis where there's mutual love there,
I think from pretty much from the start.
Yeah. But I've never heard you speak
so eloquently about, you know, sort of the, I don't know, the the feelings
or the, you know, you're really, really in touch with yourself.
Now, I'm tearing up thinking about you being the person you are.
Stop it. You'll make me cry.
Sorry. Now, we shouldn't apologize for crying.
No, I like I love to cry.
And, you know, I cried a lot as an athlete, especially when I lost,
because I placed so many unrealistic expectations on my own shoulders
that when I came out of the water, if I haven't fulfilled those expectations,
let alone exceeded them, I beat myself up relentlessly champion.
How big were you wanting to be like universe champion?
Or I wanted to win every event I have surfed in.
I wanted to be the best role model.
I wanted to be the best spokesperson.
I wanted to be the best surfer.
I wanted to be the best of the best of the best of the best.
The best has ever been. The best has ever been.
Look, I'm not and I was never going to be.
But because I had these unrealistic expectations on my own shoulders,
when I came out of the water, having not fulfilled those expectations,
I was never going to be enough.
I was never going to be satisfied.
And because I felt like I'd not only let myself down,
but I'd let my support crew and my team down.
Then I beat myself up to beat people to the punch.
I didn't want them to beat me up.
So you can't beat me up any more than I can beat myself up.
So I'm going to show you how fucking hard I can be on myself.
I'm going to prove to you
how much you can beat yourself up here. Watch me.
So I used to bawl my eyes out.
And my peers, they perceive that as being a sore loser
because they didn't understand me.
And we judge what we don't understand, but we also become what we judge.
They're all connected through external validation.
So if you have this belief that you're not enough,
which is 99 percent of the population,
well, it's 100 percent of the population, except for the Dele Lama
at some stage or another, because he is one with everything.
But if you believe that you're not enough,
it's at any point in time, then you're going to start seeking external
validation to either validate that or challenge that.
And when I was joining the pro tour
or even when I had the aspirations to become a world champion surfer
and I was competing surfing with the guys down at Manly,
I was constantly reassured of the fact that I'm never going to make it.
I was constantly reassured that I'm not enough.
But I didn't need their reassurance
because I already had this fundamental belief that I was not enough.
And the way that I articulate it now, and I've turned it into my own models
like an oyster model, is that if you think about three circles
that are joined at the bottom, the middle circle is your identity
and how you identify yourself.
The second circle outside of that that joins at the bottom
of the identity circle is the stories that we tell ourselves
to validate that identity.
And the third circle outside of that are the events
that trigger the stories, which then determine our identity.
So I've had this identity since I was eight years of age
that says, you're not enough, you're worthless, right?
So I've had this worthlessness that's been driving me my whole life.
And I can easily find stories and events that truly validate that piece.
And I've been doing it my whole life.
And then I started the Awake Academy
and I've been doing work with people to wake them up,
which awakens me.
That's why I love doing what I do.
That's my own personal why.
Awake and others awakens me.
And it is it is agitating more than I've ever imagined
because it's totally blowing apart my worthlessness story.
It's completely challenging my identity.
And I'm so attached to that worthlessness identity
because it served me so well.
Yeah, it's kept me humble.
It's kept me grounded.
It's kept me driving for more, doing more, being more, serving more.
You couldn't be you without it.
But now I'm realising I don't need that identity anymore.
And actually, I can choose to be enough in this moment right here, right now.
Yet what part of ourselves, our intrinsic selves is actually saying,
If you go away from that, everything's going to crumble.
I know a lot of really successful people.
Yeah. And they all have that.
Yes. In some, you know, that sort of someone's going to tap you on the shoulder
and go, yeah, you know, come on.
Yeah. Wake up, son.
Yeah, exactly. On your way.
Yeah, on your way.
And I'd be OK with that.
What responsibility did you feel for the fact
now that women's surfing is like men's surfing?
Like it's like men's tennis and women's tennis.
There's no difference now.
How proud are you of that?
And how much of a battle was it when you first started?
Have you seen a documentary called Girls Can't Surf?
So that gave you a snapshot of the battle.
That was the absolute shit show that was women's surfing back in the 80s.
We were in 90s and 2000s.
We were the sideshow.
We were second class citizens.
We were not valued. We were devalued.
We were disrespected.
We were disrepresented, misrepresented.
And it was a real challenge to earn the right to just even surf,
let alone surfing quality waves.
So it was a real battle.
Fortunately, growing up in Manly fortified my resolve to fight that battle.
And when I reflect back on that period,
you know, when we go through really challenging times,
we forget how bad and hard they were because we come out of them.
We're like, oh, I have survived that.
And then we focus on how good we feel.
We don't remember how bad we felt.
It's like why women keep having babies.
It must be painful as hell.
I can't imagine there's much joy in it.
In the end, it is. Of course.
Especially as a father, you're the heroes.
You walk in and out of the house and it's like daddy's home.
Whereas the mums are home all the time being the disciplinarian and mum's here.
So when I think about how women's surfing has evolved over the last 40 years,
as far as my relationship with women's surfing,
because I've been surfing for over 45 years now.
Don't look at over 40. Thank you, darling.
You're so complimentary and such a liar.
The love and reverence, acceptance, respect,
admiration, gratitude, pride, dissatisfaction, all of it.
Like, I'm full of that because if all of the shit that I went through
amounted to surfing staying in the same place, I would have been bitterly disappointed.
I mean, my vision when I joined the tour was to have it emulate women's tennis.
I wanted women's surfing to stand on its own two feet.
I wanted it to be where it is today.
So knowing that I have played a little bit of a role in endorsing that and supporting that
and now seeing the likes of the Steph Gilmores, Tyler Wright, Sally Fitzgibbons
and also the future generation that are coming through the ranks
like Isabella Nicholls and Molly Picklums and hosting my ID camps.
Like I have a talent ID camp up at Surfing Australia,
hosting that and developing and nurturing and supporting the future generation.
That's what it's all about.
Olympics, were you excited about that?
Very excited about the Olympics, yes.
The only thing missing from my trophy room is an Olympic medal.
Yeah, it came a bit late for you.
I know, I was a little too old to make a comeback.
I can vicariously live through somebody else.
Absolutely. So when you saw that, is that just another validation?
Is that just another moment where you go, yeah, we've made it?
Yeah. And funny that you asked that question because I think about
when are those moments when I go, yep, women's surfing has made it?
And it wasn't the Olympics.
It was actually going down here at my local surf spot at Freshie
and seeing the women outnumber the men in the water,
seeing the women's, the mothers surf groups supporting each other,
you know, sitting on the beach, minding their kids while they tag team
going surfing, seeing all of the young girls being encouraged
and pushed into waves by their dads and their brothers.
Like that, to me, suggests that there's been a complete shift
in acceptance and validation of women in the water.
People don't talk about it anymore.
It's just surfing. It's guys and girls.
It's like cricket now. Yes.
You know, it's just like it's on the calendar.
It's like all the girls are playing.
The women are playing, whatever you want to say.
The blokes are playing also.
There's an Asher series and there's a World Cup.
Is that boys or girls? Yeah.
That's what I love about it. Yeah, me too.
Yeah. So it's good to see that we've got to that place
after such a long period of time.
Who were the people when you're on tour that you absolutely had to beat?
Or they were the ones that brought the best out in you?
Like, you know, there's always... No.
There's always, you know, Federer and Maddahl
and now Djokovic coming into that and now Radelove with Evert,
Lloyd and so forth. Who were those people for you?
My greatest rival was Lisa Anderson.
OK. Yeah, she was the golden girl of women's surfing.
And I often say, as you may have seen in the documentary,
I feel like I was the little black sheep of the surfing industry
because I was this tenacious, focused, go-getting,
agitating champion who really wanted more,
not just for herself, but for the sport in a whole.
And I was bookended by these two glamorous, gorgeous, stylish goats
called Stephanie Gilmore and Lisa Anderson,
who were so well supported by the industry.
Still are. Just golden girls.
You know, they're just the pin-up girls of what glamour and beauty
and style and grace look like.
And I didn't feel like I had any of that.
I was like, fuck all of that.
I just got to go out and win.
I'm going to win, I'm going to win, I'm going to win.
That validated my struggle mentality,
because I believe that success had to be hard.
And so I certainly made it so.
And so I believe that it wasn't, you know,
I wasn't worthy of success unless it was a struggle.
And so it was nothing but a struggle.
And so whenever I fall back into that struggle mentality,
I seek evidence to disprove it and poke holes in it
by looking at someone like Steph Gilmore,
who does everything with a smile on her face.
There's beauty. Look, I know there's struggle
and there's hard times and it's challenging
to be the best in the world.
And there's a lot that comes with it.
But she makes it look so fun.
She makes it look so effortless.
There's so much beauty, style, grace that ease about it.
And I had to learn to trust in that to win my seventh world title.
So I know I'm capable of it.
But when I, yeah, the person who brought the best out in me
was Lisa Anderson, because I absolutely passionately
disliked losing to her.
And she passionately disliked losing to me.
I think she still dislikes me.
Yeah, I was going to ask you, are you mates?
Mutual respect, but not mates.
Yeah, mutual respect and admiration.
And we're amicable, but I would never call her a mate.
You know, I love Lisa.
I love what Lisa did for Women's Surfing.
But we just we just don't see the world through the same coloured lens.
And as you saw in the documentary, you know,
30 years later, she still states that I wouldn't have won
as many world titles if she was still on tour.
Well, she may not have won four world titles
if she didn't fall pregnant and marry the head judge.
Just things how they how they work out.
So good luck to you.
But seriously, let it go.
I got seven, you got four.
Steph's got seven, Carissa's got five.
You know, like, you know, it's it.
But what I did love about Lisa is that she constantly set the benchmark.
And so she taught me how I needed to do the same.
Most kids, and I'm still a kid,
we're learning from we learn from what we see more so than what we hear.
And I saw what Lisa was doing and I thought, OK, I wanted I need to do that,
but I'm going to do it Lanesway and I'm going to do it differently.
I'm going to do it better because I now see what my role is in all of this.
And as the world champion, I've got to keep raising the bar,
keep setting the benchmark, keep setting the scale,
keep challenging the status quo.
You know, that's my role.
Yeah, sounds exhausting, though.
You know, yeah, because I was the women's tour director,
as well as the world champion, as well as running events,
building a clothing brand, having a charity.
What going on? Yeah, it was a shitload.
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And let's get back into the episode.
Well, we're sitting at your beautiful home here looking over Freshie.
And, you know, like, I know this type of stuff is not the most important thing,
but you've got a beautiful home.
You've got a beautiful husband.
I do. Your life is beautiful.
Let's talk about the big fella, because he was in a band that was pretty good.
Yeah, that was not bad.
And his boy band.
They were pretty good.
I think the first concert I ever went to was an NXS concert when I was 14.
And there he was banging away on the...
Banging away on his guitar and saxophone and singing along.
I was like, who is that dork?
How did you meet him?
And I have heard this story, but I'd love you to tell our listeners your first date,
which didn't exactly go to plan.
At least the first part of it didn't go to plan.
No, none of it went to plan.
I don't know how we're still sitting here talking about the fact that a rock star
and a surf star have collided.
Two worlds collided.
So Kirk and I were set up on a blind date by John Stevens.
And when I went to the NXS show, John really wanted me to, you know,
have a chat with Kirk and take him on a date.
So did John think that you two would be great together?
I don't know how we saw that.
Well, obviously Kirk and I love to laugh.
We love to have fun.
We don't take ourselves too seriously.
We can laugh at life and ourselves.
And we both were obviously the best in the world at what we did.
And we knew we would understand that and have that basis of respect and recognition
of those things. So, yeah, John just thought you two should meet.
Yeah. I was like, no, I've got no interest.
Were you dating anyone at the time or?
Look, I was spending a bit of time with another musician who was from America.
And, yeah, someone would know.
Someone you definitely know.
You don't want to tell us who it was.
There was a bit of unrequited love there going on.
And, yeah, so Chris, I know we all love Chris Isaac.
Yeah. Good surfer, too.
Is that how you met?
Anyway, we digest.
You just like to get people to expose things on this podcast, don't you?
So you're sort of seeing Chris Isaac.
Yeah. Hanging out with Chris Isaac.
Nothing too serious there because he's in San Francisco and I'm in Australia.
Anyway, Kirk and I meet at this Inexcess show after a private Inexcess function.
And he's really nervous, apparently.
He calls it nerves. But I just thought he was being absolutely rude and disrespectful
because I'd introduce myself to him while he was having a conversation with someone else.
He's like, yeah, hi, nice to meet you.
And then go on, continue on with the conversation.
I was like, look, I'm politely interrupting you to get your attention,
but you're not paying me any attention.
So I'm thinking, OK, you've got no interest in this.
So then I towards the end of the night, I'm like, OK, I'm done.
I've done my best.
I mean, go over to John to say good night to him and Kirk in here talking.
Oh, shit. And John went, Lane, Kirk, yeah, we've met.
Go to the bar, you two, go and have a drink, talk it out.
So he's quite bullish about getting you guys together.
John's very bullish about it. He's very resolute.
Is he now taking full credit for this? Absolutely.
Yes. I love that.
And so we go to the bar and we have a chat and we start talking about our
previous relationships and why they recently ended and what went wrong.
All the things you're not meant to talk about when you first start talking to each other.
And then we get interrupted by Gary Beers, and then Kirk accuses Gary of grass cutting.
So he walks off in a in a tiff and I'm left there sitting standing at the bar
with Gary going, what's going on here?
So then I walk past Kirk on my way to the bathroom with the drink he left at the bar
and give it to him, go, you're over it yet? And keep walking.
So, yeah, it doesn't really start off very well.
And then two weeks later, I called Kirk a week later.
Two weeks later, we go on a date.
I take him ten pin bowling at DYRSL.
Of course. Where else would you go?
Then we go to a restaurant in DY Beachfront.
And yeah, halfway through dinner, there's no connection.
There is no chemistry. Really, neither of us want to be there.
We're both there out of obligation to John.
And then I go to the bathroom looking for a window to climb out of thinking,
if it's big enough, I'm out of here.
Well, I'm in the bathroom taking an exorbitant amount of time.
Kirk's at the table thinking, if I just leave the money and do a runner,
do you think she'll care?
The bathroom, I'm thinking, do you think Kirk will do a runner?
That'd be really good.
That would save me. That would save me.
But then I realized his car's at my house.
We've had a bit of wine, like maybe he won't be able to drive.
Shit, now I'm in trouble.
And the owner... Not overthinking it at all.
Planning an exit strategy before the dinner's even over.
And the owner of the restaurant, who's a friend of mine,
recognised things may have looked a little tenuous,
came over with a bottle of limoncello and we finished it.
Got things rolling.
Like, let the good times roll.
And yeah, we just loosened up and then it became lots of fun.
And then Kirk walked me home and I had the hiccups.
So he just thought that was the most adorable thing ever.
And then he decided to stay the night, but I wouldn't allow him to sleep.
Well, I let him sleep in my bed, but he had to sleep in his clothes.
No sex on the first date.
So you had that squared away?
Yeah, had that squared away.
And he kissing it already?
Yeah, yeah, we made out.
Because I actually had decided if he's a good kisser, he can stay.
So... Good thinking.
Yeah, so I let him stay.
But he woke up alone because I'd gone surfing before the sun had come up.
He's like, oh, so this is what I'm in for.
So he was already thinking that this was going to progress even further.
The limoncello's taking it to another level.
He must have woken up drunk still or something.
And then that night was my brother's wedding.
So he helped to choose my outfit.
He ironed my outfit.
He went downstairs.
My PA was living with us, Brooke.
He chose her outfit.
He ironed her outfit.
Oh, wow. This guy's a keeper.
Ben drove us to my brother's wedding, dropped us off.
And then he went off and played at Farm Aid out at Homebush.
You know, had the show on. For in excess.
Yeah, for in excess.
After ironing our outfits.
Rock and roll life that he's had.
He's got to be one of the most domesticated rock stars you'll ever meet.
He's very, very clean and tidy and loves cooking, loves cleaning.
He's out doing the grocery shopping right now.
Or maybe he's doing my mailing. I don't know.
He's always doing stuff.
So when did you fall in love with him?
It sounds like he's already in love.
So that took him like eight minutes.
Yeah, I know. He's paused very easily.
This guy. Look, we dated.
So that was this Friday night.
He went off on Saturday.
And then on Sunday, we went on our second date, which was to
the gold class cinemas at Moor Park to watch Austin Powers
and ended up back at his house.
And I'd drunk too much and I couldn't drive home.
So I rang Rangie and I went, it's all your fault.
You know what's going to happen. I can't go home.
Damn you. And Rangie went, good. Enjoy it. Bye.
And then on Monday, I went home and then he was getting ready to go on tour.
And Tuesday, Wednesday, we only spoke.
We didn't see each other.
And then the Friday, I was about to head off overseas until Christmas.
And on Thursday, I was packing my board bag and my PO is asking me,
so what do you think about Kirk? Do you miss him? Do you like him?
I was like, yeah, I really feel something.
Like, I really miss him. I haven't seen him for a few days.
She's like, well, why don't you invite him over?
And so we were having dinner at my neighbor's house.
And I rang my neighbor and said, do you mind if I bring Kirk over?
Like, yeah, please do. Yeah.
So he came over and he was really grateful that I'd called
because he was missing me too.
And he didn't want to, you know, be too suffocating or whatever.
And so then we parted ways for two months.
And but we talked every day.
And so it was that Thursday, I reckon, that I went, I really like this guy.
I see something, something in the future with him.
And then, yeah, he proposed to me in 2008.
So we'd been together.
We've been together for six years.
And then we got married on the 10th of the 10th, 2010 at 10am.
I remember seeing you at John Singleton's.
Ruri, you just got back from your honeymoon.
And I remember you telling me, I won't tell the story on air,
but what lovely time you had on a beach.
It's nothing like having sex on a beach.
And I remember saying that and it was just there.
He's like, Lainey, I don't think he needs to know all that.
It's like it's Cass, it's all right.
Yeah, honestly, I love telling stories.
Yeah, you're on a private beach for several hours and no one around
and no one's can fly over the top of you.
Then why not? Of course, if given the opportunity, given the opportunity.
So how long have we been together for now?
Well, we've been together 19 years and married 11.
So we were married in 2010.
Yeah. Inexcess stuff came back again to this new generation.
So my generation, 53, obviously loved it, used to see them live, if we could.
And then eventually, you know, watching them in big arenas.
And then the show came out.
Life, baby, life.
And all my kids, all of a sudden, are downloading Inexcess on their Spotify.
And it's like, this is really cool.
And so we'll try ACDC as well.
Like there's so many good bands that we sort of took for granted.
We used to watch in pubs.
What was that like for him getting back into the limelight, I suppose?
Well, when they because they've been able to reinvent themselves several times.
Now, after the tragic loss of Michael in 1997,
then they reemerged with Terrence Trent Darby, who wasn't the ideal fit.
And then John Stevens came in and reinvigorated their career
until the songwriting component between him and Andrew really wasn't gelling.
So then they did that TV show, Rockstar Inexcess, and found JD Fortune,
which completely reinvigorated them again.
They've been able to reinvent themselves so many times.
So it was just due process for them.
They're so adaptable.
And as you now found out, well, as your kids are finding out, their music is timeless.
And I still love it.
And Kirk gets really, it gets embarrassed that I love it so much.
You know, we're walking through Coles and it'll turn on or walking through all these.
And you know the words.
Or when he goes, because we do talks together because I'm a motivational speaker
and he's joined the circuit, but he does Q&A and then he'll perform a couple of songs
if you pay the right amount.
But he tends to forget the lyrics.
So you know them.
And I've got to remind him, OK, because there's a, it never tears us apart.
No, in Don't Change.
I'm standing here on the ground.
There's a part where it goes resurrection of happiness or
it's either resurrection of happiness or something of bitterness.
And he keeps flipping them around.
Yeah, you know what?
It doesn't matter because everyone who's listening to him is singing it as well.
So it's almost I'm buying into his perfectionism and trying to correct it.
When I'm like, just enjoy it.
Yeah, and he's done pretty good too.
Is he someone who's pretty relaxed?
Is he somewhat like to be in one of the biggest bands of all time?
Like is he because every time I met him, he's just friendly and kind.
He looks you in the eye and says hello.
That hasn't always been the case when we've met big stars.
But it's always been the case with Kirk.
He's always made the time for people.
So yeah, he admits that there were times when he became the egomaniac
and got swallowed up in that world.
And how can you not?
But we received a letter from someone that met him who happened to end up
being backstage at a concert in Chicago or something back in 1982
or something like that or 87 because it was the kick tour.
And he still recalls how friendly and engaging and kind Kirk was.
Like that was the one thing that really resonated with him.
Like all the band came in and they're like, hey, but Kirk was the only one
that walked up to him, introduced himself to him, asked him what he does
and what are you doing here?
And really makes the time for people.
That's one of the other strong connections that we have with each other.
Because at the time Kirk and I had nothing in common.
And now he's brought out his own rosé called KP Wine.
I'll have to show it to you.
Yeah, you'll have to show it to me.
You can pour me a glass.
I'll pour you a glass.
I'll share it with you.
kpyine.com.au for anyone that wants to go buy some.
And on the back of that bottle, it tells the story about how it was rosé
that helped us find another commonality.
Because fortunately, because we've come from such opposing worlds
and those two worlds have collided.
We're finding that we have more and more in common as we get older.
As opposed to finding our direct companion, you know,
our immediate reflection and growing apart.
We continue to grow together even more.
Especially COVID has even brought us closer together.
So I'm really grateful that we were able to trust in that relationship
because he was on tour, I was on tour.
And we spent the first five years pretty much on tour.
And then colliding.
A lot of trust in that situation.
Yeah, absolutely.
On opposing sides of the world.
You with those eyes.
So I remember when people first spoke about you guys going out
and of course, you know, you hear it in magazines and stuff.
How did that, how do you handle that?
And how did he handle that?
So Kirk's used to the paparazzi.
I certainly was not.
He'd been married to Denny Hines.
And it was at the height of his career.
And Denny was in probably the biggest point of her career as well.
So he was familiar with that world.
So I remember the first time we went down to Bondi,
we went to Revesi's for lunch.
And there was a pap photographer having lunch
who had then called another pap photographer to tell them
that we were there, who hid across the street in the bookshop
and then started following us down the street.
And we ended up getting followed for years.
But I learned that the only reason that they're following you
is to get a photo.
So I learned that if I just stop and turn around and smile,
they get the shot and then they piss off.
So I'm like, okay, so that's what I do.
It's exactly Jaco's thing.
He looks over and he goes,
can you give me half an hour with nothing
because I just want to play with my kid?
And then I'll walk over and give you exactly the shot you want.
And they get that.
They go, thank you.
So just give them what they want.
Yeah, if they respect that and they respect your space,
which it's in their best interest to do so,
then it works out just fine.
So they've stopped following us now.
Obviously, we're old news.
We're fish and chip paper.
But at the time, it was quite confronting.
And you had 20 years of it.
Yeah, it was quite strange.
Does he play music at home?
No, unless he's really, really drunk.
He picked up the sax once recently.
I was like, what is going on?
What have you been drinking?
Is that the hardest instrument to play?
Yeah, it's pretty challenging.
My brother tried it when we were at school together
and he lasted about a month.
He could never get more than...
That's like playing the didgeridoo.
I think Kenny G was the first one that he just fell in love with.
And then obviously, sax was a huge part of a lot of big bands
through the 80s and 90s.
Yeah, and Kirk just picked it up to pick up chicks,
you know, and to offer a bit of a different sound.
Well, that worked.
Let's get back to you for a moment.
Hall of Fame stuff, all the stuff you're doing now
as because of the person that you were as a surfer.
How busy are you and how important is that sort of stuff to you
as you go into, you know, the reflection of your life
and what you can do now?
So after my career ended and look, it ended on my own terms.
I'm very fortunate that I chose to retire when I retired
and the decision was a very simple one.
Either I do the work out of the water
to generate the results I expect in the water or I don't.
And if I don't, get out.
My passion was waning for surfing.
I still love surfing.
I'm more in love with surfing today than I've ever been.
I surf for the love of it.
I don't have the expectations to compete against the guys
and beat the guys and be better today than I was yesterday.
Like if I go out there and do one turn that stokes me out,
I'm like, yes, I've still got it.
Do the guys down there at Freshy,
is that where you normally surf?
Do they respect you?
Okay, so there's a little bit of love.
Freshwater is a nice, inadvertent commons place.
Yeah, I mean, look, and I've become a bit of a law enforcement
officer out there.
If there are people doing the wrong thing,
I'm going to let them know.
Do you get, with the more world championships,
do you get more authority?
You've still got to be a good surfer.
Apparently, I'm still good enough to warrant the authority.
Have you ever had, swum into a break and had people give you shit?
I mean, it happens at Narrabin all the time.
I still, I was out there a couple of weeks ago
and got dropped in on by the same guy three times
and I pulled him up on it each time.
And the first time he's like, oh, I thought you were one of the groms.
I'm like, what difference does it make?
I'm still behind you.
I'm still on the critical part of the wave.
I still have right of way.
So, hey, how about you?
Give me some respect.
Second time, oh, I just didn't see you.
Third time, okay, dude, this is unacceptable now.
But hey, I don't care.
It's your choice.
Stay out here and get dropped in and I'll go in.
Oh, I wonder if I could.
Does he know who you are?
Yeah, of course he knew who I was.
So I wonder if I could take that kind of law enforcement
and bring it back to Freshy.
Yeah, I doubt it.
Narrabin's a bit rough around the edges, isn't he?
But yes, I still encounter that from time to time.
And look, I find it quite entertaining.
I don't take it very personally
because it says more about the person than about me.
It's my response to it is what it says about me.
But how they behave, it doesn't say anything about me.
I've never been a surfer,
but people who make surfer surfing just love it.
Like they just cannot imagine starting their day any other way.
And when I'm walking in the mornings,
you just see guys pulling it.
Look at the car park.
They're taking someone else.
Yep, the car park's full.
I'm getting in here.
And they're always friendly,
putting on their wetsuits in winter and stuff.
What's that community like?
There's a classic old saying that says,
only a surfer knows the feeling.
That's the strength and the bond of the community.
We speak our own vernacular.
We have our own levels of unspoken etiquette and understanding.
The mutual connection, the bond, the love,
is all about the love of the ocean.
And it doesn't matter how you enjoy the ocean,
whether it's on a boogie board, whether you're body surfing,
whether you're on a stand-up paddle board or a surfboard,
it's actually about just going and immersing yourself in a force
that's way more powerful than you are.
That's a great answer.
I love that answer.
Lainey, we could talk all day.
Which we have already.
Let's get to this fast five,
which is the last five questions,
which you should be able to relax into.
Have you got a favourite holiday destination?
And are you the type of person that goes on holidays and has to do stuff?
Or are you a lob around the pool or at the beach type person?
I'm not a fly and flop person.
But in saying that, I don't mind flying and flopping.
You asked me a question about all the stuff that I'm doing now
and how hard I'm working.
And the thing is that I've found a really nice balance.
When I first saw you up at Singo's brewery launch,
I was in a really agitated state where I was non-committing to everything.
But by saying yes to everyone and everything,
I was looking for that next thing that was going to light me up,
that was going to be my passion, my focus, my direction,
And what I was doing by constantly seeking it outside of myself
was I was robbing of my intrinsic purpose,
and that was to serve people.
And I just hadn't sat long enough to decide how I wanted to serve people.
So I just kept saying yes to everyone and everything.
And by doing that, I was actually robbing myself.
I was saying no to me.
I was saying no to Kirk.
I was saying no to my friends and family.
I was saying no to surfing because I was saying,
yes, I can speak to you.
And yes, I can deliver that.
And yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I ended up in pneumonia and adrenal fatigue.
So today, I feel like I found a really healthy balance
in the way I live my life.
And I had to find a decision-making framework
that was best going to serve how I do what I do,
which essentially is...
And I had to go and find a mentor to help me find this framework
because anyone who's transitioning out of a career
that they've identified with and defined themselves by
for their whole life, which I had for 20 years,
I talk about that identity piece.
I'd lost my sense of identity
and I really hadn't given myself a time to self-define.
I'd allowed all the external circumstances around me
And as Ben Crow beautifully says,
it's the decisions, not the conditions
that determine the quality of your life.
And I was waiting for all the conditions to be in alignment
before I decided that I was going to be good enough
or smart enough or talented enough.
That's that enoughness discussion.
So today, my decision-making framework,
it's either a hell yeah or a fuck no,
and there's nothing in between.
So hell yeah is if it lights me up,
fills me full of curiosity and energy and like,
oh yeah, that sounds really good.
Before the monkey mind gets involved to try and say,
look, you're not smart enough,
you don't have the time, you're not talented enough,
this may not work out, you could fail, screw all that.
It lit me up first.
It's a hell yeah.
In the same event, if something very similar
comes across my plate, I'm depleted,
I'm exhausted, I'm worn out,
or I've got a lot of work on,
or it comes from a place where I should or I could or I would,
And there's nothing in between.
So in the event, the unlikely event
that something comes to me and it's not a hell yeah
or a fuck no, then I make it a hell yeah.
And I commit to it wholeheartedly
because it hasn't completely been drowned out by, nah.
So when you text me, it was always a hell yeah
because I know you're serving people
and by having these conversations,
we're helping and serving people.
But if someone's just getting, reaching out to me,
the amount of times I get reached out to saying,
here's a great product, do two posts and two stories,
fuck no, it doesn't interest me.
I'm all about meaningful support,
meaningful connection and meaningful engagement.
I've just written down hell yeah or fuck no.
That is my new motto.
Well, that's the favourite quote.
When I asked you your favourite holiday destination,
you gave me a favourite quote.
So that one's done, favourite quote is done.
Favourite holiday destination would be Fiji and Hawaii.
They're the two most favourite and Cottage Point.
What about a favourite book?
My favourite book.
Are you a reader?
I am a big reader
but I'm a majority of self-help reading.
I love that kind of stuff.
My favourite book of all time is Atlas Shrugged.
What's that about?
It's an Ayn Rand magnus opus that's,
you just have to read it.
Yeah, I'll have to get a copy of that, okay.
My favourite book as a child that I still love
is The Never Ending Story.
I like The Hungry Caterpillar.
Yeah, you can relate to that.
Can I call you Heimlich?
Of course you can.
It could turn you into a beautiful butterfly.
I have two of everything.
You can have two of everything.
You've won seven world championships.
You can have whatever you want.
Can I have seven?
Yeah, of course you can.
Give us your best movie list.
I'll give you my favourite two movies,
which is Shawshank Redemption.
And Austin Powers, number two.
Oh, so not the first one with Kirk, but the second one, okay.
Well, it was the second one that I saw with Kirk.
First one had already come out.
Yeah, well, that's good.
You knew you had the same sense of humour.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Now, I know that you're aligned with so many charities,
but we do have $10,000 to give to multiple charities
or your number one or split, however you like.
Who would you like the $10,000 from Shawn Partners to go to?
This is so hard because there's so many
deserving wonderful charities out there.
Do you want to take a moment and then let me know later?
I definitely am going to give some money back
to Gotcha for Life because I love what you're doing.
And I've got you for life and I know you've got me for life.
So let's keep that program alive.
We'll do that and then another one we can split it with.
Yeah, I actually might split it between three.
I'm also an ambassador for WWF.
So I'd love to give some money to WWF.
We'll give them 3333 repeater.
And then another one.
And then the other one is a mental health charity
because I'm a champion of mental wellness.
And I'd love to give some money to our local charity
of Lifeline Northern Beaches.
I've been in them many nights and they deserve everything.
They need all the help they can get.
So WWF, Gotcha for Life and Lifeline Northern Beaches.
That sounds pretty good to me.
We've got the environment, we've got mental wellness
and we've got mental fitness.
Hey, thanks so much for joining us.
Thanks for having me.
Well, that was Lane Beechley and isn't she just incredible?
I just love her so much and I love that attitude,
that competitive attitude.
And also, if it's not a fuck yes, it's a hell no.
I just want to live my life that way as well.
Coming up next episode on Not An Overnight Success
is one of Australia's most respected
and well-known businessmen, Mark Kevuris.
Mark has that keep your head down and focus
on your own game kind of attitude that I love
and it served him well and brought him
from quite humble beginnings to where he is now.
A big thank you to Shaw and Partners Financial Services
who have generously supported this podcast
and also donated $10,000 to the charity of choice
and each of our guests to thank them for their time.
Shaw and Partners are an Australian investment
and wealth management firm who manage over $28 billion
of assets under advice.
With seven offices around Australia,
Shaw and Partners act for and on behalf of individuals,
institutions, corporates and charities.
For more info, you can check out their website
at shawandpartners.com.au.
That's S-H-A-W for Shaw.
Shaw and Partners Financial Services,
your partners in building and preserving wealth.