The Rawest Of Rugby League Interviews Braden Hamlin Uele

hey guys welcome back to ebbs and flows where we talk about the highs and lows on and off the field

braids what's up bro thanks for jumping on i've been uh i'm looking forward to interviewing you

for a little while we sort of chopped it up i remember i put out a post a while ago and your

name popped up and you replied straight away and uh we're doing a little bit of research before

you jump in on so you got an interesting story i appreciate it bro thank you uh first and foremost

congrats on the 100 uh what does that mean to you yeah it's um every interview i sort of talk about

this it's sort of the same thing i just love it like it's just the cliche of um not knowing if

you play one to playing 50 then to play 100 it was it's very special to me to to get it with such a

great club such a great organization and in front of my family and friends it was it was pretty

special when you look back on those 100 games what's the clear defining point of like what's

been the hardest point during that time for you um probably the last couple years was um just

injuries i had a few like you know big ones i ruptured my pec

in 22 put me out for three months and then you come back for your first game after three months

being out against penrith when they're on the road it's just lungs are on fire from the get-go

um and then um yeah had a few like knee injuries in that and sort of leading up to the 100th game

um the week of the final game last year against the roosters i um did my knee so i had that injury

and it just sort of like stopped start like you sort of i thought last year for myself was a good

year but just could never find that consistent rhythm of i'd be in for four games out for five

in for two out for three it's just like it was never that continuation of the stretch of games

that i wanted to play but yeah we got there in the end and that was probably the hardest part for me

mentally and physically did it feel like a relief when you got to that 100 because it's a nice

number yeah it was um you're just saying that you've played 100 nrl games um it's sort of

something that you know not many people can do um and i'm and i i'm pretty proud of myself for that

it was a pretty humbling moment to feel the love and um you know i wasn't the only one excited for

myself to get the 100 like the teammates that were there um my friends their partners were that were

like stoked for me my partner was stoked for me my family was stoked for me or just yeah the the the

outer circle that you have sort of feels a lot like you do on the field i love that bro um so

bro where'd you grow up uh so i grew up in west auckland what school did you go to i went to avondale

for high school i went to a catholic boys school first called liston and then um me and the dean had

a disagreement and that he thought i would go better another school so i left there and went

to avondale for a year and then um yeah finished up there and came came to sydney uh what's it like

um people like auckland can be considered a rough place in the south auckland that that's probably

the equivalent of western sydney out here but western west auckland's a tough place to grow

like have this when you come over to um to australia you sort of have this battle of

who had it harder and where from like um i feel like boys from out west or other parts of new

zealand wanted to be saw south auckland as the benchmark of like struggle and and um they wanted

to like try beat that and it was sort of um west auckland for me man was just I don't know i sort

of you might have become numb to it because you grew up around it so you didn't really realize it

until you left but it was it's definitely harder in a different way than it would be south auckland

or western sydney like there wasn't much um youth crime there or or stuff like that but there was

also you know i think there was a high rate of dv over there um in west auckland but you never

really saw it because you just didn't think it was any different but then looking back on it now

you're like far out there's actually a fair bit of like single family house single parent households

as well as you know families that couldn't send their kids to school with shoes on and you never

saw it as like a thing you just just what it was you know and i feel like i always get upset with

people that say like you know when you say from auckland people say oh south auckland must be

like terrible like the only people that say that are people that haven't grown around that sort of

lifestyle um you you see you hear people from south auckland that are proud as to be from

south auckland and even western sydney like the people that assume that it's tough

just haven't been around that lifestyle you know and it's sort of an ignorant thing to say because

it's the easiest thing to say about it like this you know back in the day the warriors team was

full of people from south auckland you know was from south auckland is out there you know like

doing stuff around that community so yeah i think it's it's a tough discussion to have when people

don't know about it but they want to have the their first opinion of it is oh it's tough i

remember when i first moved to auckland like it is like it does have a tough like

vibe about it you know what i mean and like you can be in like a nightclub or having a drink and

like it could just be one look bro and like you're in fights you know it's that sort of

tall poppy syndrome like they talk about like um you go back there and it feels like everyone's

like oh this guy too good for everyone but you know just yeah i get what you mean like there

is that sort of bravado type of um alpha male type vibe when you go over there for sure for sure

especially if you can't fight like me not a good place to fight

how'd you get into footy um so it was just everything that i knew pretty much my dad um

coached me since i was four played at newland stags for a year and then went to um ponton b

ponies oh yeah i played with um tyler nathan wong yeah yeah she was our little halfback and she's

awesome yeah her uncle was um the coach for us there and um then ended up at glenora bears

because it was right around the corner and um yeah just never looked at rugby union um

dad always just said rugby league and i don't know i sort of realized that i was decent at it so

just yeah had a go at it and here we are today wise fan grown up uh yep of course like you know

just being from there wise fan but i feel like you can go both ways hey you can either be them

or like i hate the warriors and i'm gonna go support someone else i used to love penrith hey

i used to love watching reese west at the back because i had um stacy jones rugby league yeah

and he was a fullback for penrith and i was just you just like do the old rugby 08 trick you just

run sideways and just carve it up but he was getting the pull of tour brothers with him

there and um yeah they were they were pretty um it was an inspirational team to see like those guys

playing hey like pacific islanders playing over in australia for a team like that it was pretty

awesome to see yeah it was cool because there wasn't as many islanders during that time was it

yeah they were always playing for the warriors yeah and um you know yeah like over there henry

farfilli was the guy that created the celebrations and you know all those guys and and then you see

on the other side you see malavar brothers and paul of tour brothers there's it was pretty um

um obviously there's a lot of polynesians in the game right now and i think polynesians take on

like a lot more like a different type of pressure that not everyone understands and some of that

pressure especially being someone comes from family and being able to provide for your family

was your family like that especially when you come into nrl were they like sort of asking for things

or we was it your job to provide for the elders because it's a topic not many people really know

about yeah oh not for me because um my parents sort of they they never like we never went with

out so they never expected anything from us like my parents sort of instilled in us that we would

never owe them something i love that like um my mom and dad yeah they they saw them parenting us

and giving us what we needed as like just that like what we needed like it's not a you don't

owe us back in the like down the track you don't owe us because you make money um but yeah i sort

of um i don't i don't like to sort of give

without reason if that makes sense like to family members because i feel like

can sort of bring a boundary that's sort of skewed a bit like they'll just they'll just

expect things from you because you're there without you know coming to see you or stuff

like that and it's sort of like all this give give given take take take but never like receive it

back like it's sort of a sort of a iffy subject you know because and then you look like the bad

guy yeah you want to do change like you want to do the right thing but

also like where does that right thing sort of become a disrespect of like just being walked

over a bit and you know like i love family family is massive for me but there's also a line where it

comes it becomes disrespectful to me and my partner like and my family as well what is that

line it's just a line of like like expectation of oh yeah my cousin will do this or my brother

will do this or um and you're like oh i've got a family as well like

if i don't if i can't provide for them and i'm providing for you like my family go without you

know and it was sort of that line of yeah you always want to be like someone and family first

and that and but how far does that family line go you know yeah like are you like stuff for people's

cousins sister's neighbor that you've never met but you're expected to give money for stuff and

yeah i don't agree with that as much and also like the other side of it is like training gears and

and tickets like they think you've just got access to a thousand shark shoes that are already signed

yeah yeah yeah you want to be the guy oh bro can you sign this can you say yeah well you know we

sort of um have this thing like boys come in day one of preces and they're already putting jerseys

out and you're like damn rent already cost a living going up already are they with the island

the boys too how does it feel to me brit brit in the quarter oh it's easy the guys a few jerseys

on that guy yeah yeah but no it's all good um so you said your dad was your coach growing up and

my dad was my coach growing up too and um

taught me a lot of hard lessons when i was younger but like i do appreciate

those lessons now as a grown man what did your dad teach you that's carried over

to being the person you are today yeah discipline was one of them um i remember

there was a time where sort of like 15s to 17s um wake up five o'clock in the morning and

he'd follow you behind he followed behind you in the car with the lights on and you're running up

the hills and doing all this and that and um yeah discipline was one of them um

sort of hard work and um trust in yourself my dad was big on instilling a value that you know

if you believe yourself first no one can tell you differently like if you and then um yeah like

there were times that well i'd miss out on rep teams in new zealand and my dad would be like

hey like you probably just you know it wasn't time for you to get there and um what could you have

done differently and oh so he was asking those types of questions yeah yeah and it sort of made

it's not all my it's not all their fault like you know like they haven't they haven't

mistaken me or staking you know they haven't stuffed up the selection process it was like

what have i done differently you know maybe i didn't do the best season that i've had and um

yeah it was sort of a eye-opener to see that sort of side of it because i know dads that are coaches

can sort of go the other way and be like real hard and like and sort of go and sort of like

diminish your sort of abilities and all that stuff but yeah i was grateful that my dad sort of

went that way there were times where you know playing for points over my last year uh the

winger would score and then somehow it'd be my fault but you know that's that's neither here

nor there yeah i haven't been holding a grudge at all yeah i haven't held on to that for

like i think auckland rep teams when you're coming up are like

big and even like because i grew up two and a half hours south and i played for waikato

but like i knew at least eight or nine of the auckland boys that were in the team not through

social media or anything just your reputation and we had guys like sunny fire and paddy avon

and would rock up and bro would be like this tall and these guys look the same size as you now and

would get pumped by 50 and they just sort of had this like legacy around them so making those rep

teams during those ages like almost everything aren't they yeah it was pretty it was pretty

cool to like sort of be around guys that are sort of on the same trajectory um you know i

had i had teams with bunty r4 um tough simply josh aloyai um yeah like boys that have kicked on and

even um when we played northland swords you had fish playing for them um but he was nowhere near

the size that he is now man he was he was skinny but bro he still had the heart and like he was

still putting on shots in that yeah and made it hard for us too so um yeah it was just sort of

sort of you obviously don't appreciate the rep teams that you make like

because you you don't it's just boys that you play with every week yeah and and you don't

really see it from the outside in but hearing you say it from you know the rest of the world you're

like at her and then looking at the auckland boys like far out like you can sort of see it now like

yeah it's still like humbling to hear that because you know boys might get lost in that and take it

for granted be under 14 to be like that guy's got a beard yeah yeah he's got a full tattoo

yeah um so we'll talk about the sharks at the moment obviously top of the table boys are flying

what's the vibe like around the club yeah it's happy um all the boys are sort of just

it's like business as usual you know like we're not sort of getting too ahead of ourselves

um got a couple of hard games coming up but yeah the vibe is good everyone's working hard and

walking into training with a smile so um it makes things easier though it does it does we gotta we

like earning um the way we feel so yeah if we want to keep coming all the smiles we gotta play like

it you guys got a stigma around you that you guys don't deliver in the finals is that something that

gets addressed or does it sort of push to the side and let's get a little bit better like how do you

guys correct that i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know

we're not really focused on the finals um because we haven't got there yet we haven't earned that

yet so we're still working on a week by week basis and um once we sort of feel like we're

getting closer to those finals we'll start addressing the old stigma that comes with

it are you guys starting to look around your team and go we got a side here we got a site here

yeah we sort of oh you know every time you come in like even last year we looked at his

we looked at each other and were like we could actually do something special here like

obviously results in that didn't deliver but you know 2024 is now and we're looking at that

and yeah you look to the guy left and right of you and you're like i can trust this guy to be

there for me and he can trust me to be there for him so anything's possible with us and it's just

up to us really what makes fitzy fitzy yeah fitzy's um he's an odd character um but he's a

good character like he he cares about the person then the athlete and it's um i think it's a lot

of directions coaches go into now that nowadays is the athlete comes second to the person and he

wants you to be a better uh better person for the community for your family for your friends and

then the team it's it's it was sort of awesome and i never really uh had a coach that i could

sort of go and have a vulnerable conversation with and fitzy was the first one that i felt

comfortable doing that and that's a massive thing for me because you know comfortability and

vulnerability um in male sport is probably not where it should be at the moment and to have a

coach that you can go to and say that and he would be unbiased is yeah it was it was special to me and

he's um unlocked a few things

that i never knew i had in myself as a player and i'm excited to see what else can be unlocked

what what's he unlocked what's been the big one um i dare say my effort areas have gotten a bit

better um i was sort of like a relied on my talent to you know the moments kind of guy when i was

coming through um like i'd look to score some highlights about yeah yeah that's what i mean

like i'd look to i'd look to do the the big hit or or the big run and sort of like if i did the

big hit

and miss it would put my my teammates under pressure and he sort of just says you know just

seven out of ten is your benchmark and then your moments like the big hit or like the run

are in eight so my seven out of ten is just my movements in that and getting all my effort areas

right and then if i get the chance to get an eight out of ten i'll do it but my focus and

what is unlocked is my want to hurt in the hard stuff and and um want to do the nitty-gritty

well i know what effort areas are because i've played a lot of them and i've played a lot of

them and i've played the game but what are effort areas for someone that doesn't really understand

this yeah so if it is for us uh like i'll kick chase and i'll kick pressure obviously the one

percenters and um you know like keep moving when the ball's sort of in the air like you don't want

to watch a watch a kick go up and then just stand there and have your fullback from another team run

straight past you so yeah all those effort areas and just um sort of not not being that chink in the

armor that you know dylan edwards or jareen bullock and finding the hole and finding the line

and then just take it off and

you expend more energy running 20 meters back because you've just caught it yeah and it's like

it's like like being half a pace off at all like that little triangle within that's all they need

if like you've got guys like um like tino tino's good he sort of looks at one side of the ruck but

then all of a sudden you're making the tackle on the other side of the ruck because he's seen that

little chink that the other side didn't move up and you know it's you never know until you've

actually like oh my gosh like that's me yeah uh dale finucane obviously retiring i think

it's a great decision for him just as someone who's left the game and seen how tough he played

it what did he mean to the club and what did he mean and how do you help you develop as a player

yeah he was massive for i say like you just knew that day one he was bicep pads on um

head taped everything he was in there like he's just 100 at everything and it sort of

is it is it is it annoying or is it good oh at the beginning it was annoying because you're like

what happened because you know we had guys like um before that we had guys like um um

gal and wado and louis that were sort of on the back end of the careers and they were like oh

gentleman's agreement at training and then dale comes in and he's forcing my head sprinting out

of the tunnel for training and then ripping your head off in the wrestle and sort of like i swear

he blacks out at training like he just oblivious to it like you'll cop an elbow to the throat and

he'll just be like oh what happened oh and then you're just like what the heck like how do you

not see that but no he was massive for us in in the leadership qualities that he brought in and

um his him and cam sort of on the same on the

same level of training both tapped down yeah yeah both tapped and then sort of brings you

up there and like i don't think we've ever trained as hard when um before we had these

guys like these guys have just raised our training levels intensity to another level

because granola's like historically been a player driven club and they talk about this with like

south sydney rabbitohs at the moment but you guys had great success with of gal louis wade

and those boys had the um power to call trainings off didn't they or no we've got weights at this

i'm doing this at seven captain's run was definitely captain's run yeah um

plan to try to say something to gal and then gal was like nah mate this captain's on for a reason

but yeah those like dale's yeah i've got so much time and respect for dale um he's just yeah he

was he was a man for us like people sort of don't see it like we do like every day he comes in he's

the first one and last one now and it's just it's very admirable like if we sort of

you want to be a player like anyone in the league you want to be a player like dale for nukan like

i've never heard coaches talk about someone that that highly before yeah me neither like i've never

heard a bad word about him which is which is credit because obviously you he's been in the

game for a long time yeah doesn't have any indiscretions about him he just rocked up

every day and done this thing didn't he yeah just head down and then knew when it was time

to have a laugh and no one was time to work and he definitely worked he's a little bit bear in that

uh yeah we had a thing called eight day dale so he would never drink until it was an eight day turn

around and um yeah a day dale was a good character yeah he was fine yeah hoping for those long

turnarounds yeah just to get him in there but no he was fun um how important is nico hines to

the club and premiership glory yeah he's um he's he's massive for the canala community first like

he does a lot of things outside of footy that people don't really see like he was um an integral

part of getting this mental fitness round um that we've got going on and he hopes to kick that off

like the whole nrl wide sort of round but yeah he's massive for that that community he's massive

for our team like he just controls the game and he just sees the game differently to everyone else

like you know when when the forge in the washing machine and you don't know really which way he's

left and which way is right he's um he's there to just steady the ship and he's got like a calm

demeanor about him that's never frazzled um you know he might kick a ball out in the full once or

twice but he sort of nails his comes back to it and just goes you know what mistakes happen in

footy like let's just get on with it yeah he's

he is very well balanced isn't he yeah i love that about him he always seems calm which must

be nice to be around yeah it is because you don't want halves out of frantic and yelling at you

when you're trying to breathe because it just falls on deaf ears really

um obviously pretty big signing with afb coming over being a prop how did you take that and

because obviously your name was topped up tossed up as a potential um swap with him but as a prop

did you sometimes props can get offended by it or were you the guy go fuck i've got another

guy next to me how was it for you yeah first obviously like you know the ego side of you

wants to say like this is what's the like this is bullshit like i'm already here i'm already here

we've got a good four pack here and then you should actually like step away from footy and

you look at it from another perspective and you're like this guy's another cog coming into a good

machine already like imagine what we're going to be like with them you know like the four pack that

outside eye but might add in a guy like him with what we have already like it's pretty scary man

like hopefully you know we all gel and and get get what we want out of it because i'm excited to

have him next to me like i'm excited to see that guy on out in a blue black and white jersey and

i'm running with us not against us so yeah having to try and um tackle that dude isn't easy but

hopefully you know when he comes in next year it'll be more difficult to tackle everyone

for sure you take the next carry after him too yeah you let him do the first one to his feet

yeah 100 it's exciting like yeah he's a massive team a massive player and um one of the like you

know top tier props in this game it's not the best at the moment so um yeah to have a sign like that

it's pretty exciting um your name was tossed up at the warriors what happened behind the scenes

yeah just sort of like i appreciated the the warriors and what they offered me and

and the fact that they were so supportive and they were so supportive and they were so supportive

and they wanted to look at me as a replacement for um adam it was um it was honestly the hardest

decision of like my life that i've ever had to make so there's a contract in front of you

uh there was no contract in front of me but there was offers and um i hadn't seen the actual

contract itself but there was an offer there and um it was the first contract that i had to think

about uh someone else's life as well like i have a partner now and i've had a partner for a year

um there's no other option on this level and um i've got my partner in the team uh and it was

it was also a very difficult decision of i have i had a partner and i've had a partner there and

i've also been like a friend of the general manager of the club uh i've had a partner of the club

on the same team um yeah you know i had a partner with the management so i had to think about the

role that i was gonna play if i was gonna be on the coaching team was it was it was sort of a

competitive thing to have my partner play the coaching team yeah i think that was a really

interesting thing yeah i think that was very interesting and i think that's what he was saying

and i think that's what you want for the coach you know it was like there was a huge weight on the team

but i you know a lot of guys wanted to be there but i didn't have that reason specifically

like can we see ourselves there long term what happens like what happens after the three years

do we come back here um what does work look like for both of us like how is it going to work out

if we end up having a family are we going to have them over there and keep them there or

what do we want to do like it was just so many things and then there was a conversation that

i had with the coach uh andrew webster and he sort of put a deadline on the the week so i had

weeks to sort of figure out what i was going to do and i um had a thought to myself and i thought

and i and i pictured myself standing in front of the boys at canala and saying that i was leaving

and i just fucking broke down i was like this is my family this has been my family for six or so

years like to just say that i'm moving and probably won't see them again it was it was hard

and to uplift what the life that i had created for myself and my um partner was um was

to

tough to just say it was just too too tough to turn away from why is there a vibe though they

are a vibe man and seeing their stadium like i was able to go with round one and the crowd there like

the traction that they've got it seems like they've ran super rugby into the ground by just

one club so yeah it's it's massive to see their like i'm so happy for them because they deserve

it you know they've they've been in the headlines the last podcast a couple of seasons for the wrong

reasons and now they're finally in there for the right reason so um growing up with a few of those

boys and and playing with them in junior leagues i'm happy for them and i'm proud of them and

yeah who knows what they're that round one when was a good one wasn't it yeah it's just grindy

yeah it was one of those ones that you're so grateful not playing because

round one after preseason you do all the 240s and the broncos doesn't matter it doesn't matter man

like the squirm and the wrestle like you watch it i was just like this is just going back and

forth and they scored those three tries and i was like

are we off there or what's the girl can i go into the coach's box or something

but um yeah the boys dug deep and they they it was pretty special win to be honest because it was

it's got you always knew it's gonna be a hard place to win it round one yeah it's a tough it's

a tough trip anytime but after the back of that momentum yeah in the full crowd yeah yeah i had

it two years man that was good yeah um so obviously you've been pretty transparent about your like

mental health journey and this is probably the big part of the conversation i want to talk to

because i look at you you sit in front of me

nrl player solid dude big islander everyone thinks you got your together what's it

been like going through this transition and like let's talk from like start to where you

are right now like when did you first notice signs that you were feeling a little bit down yeah oh

sort of when covert hit like obviously everyone had those like you weren't you were not to go

anywhere for a bit and when um when covert first came so i remember the game i remember what it

was it was round one or two against south sydney and we were in the middle of the game and we were

in the middle of the game and we were in the middle of the game and we were in the middle of the game

my mom my dad and my grandma came over and they planned like a two-week stay and then jacinda

durin had said like by 12 o'clock this day you can't come into the country so they it was like

two days after the game or a day after the game and they had to get a um yeah flight home straight

away so then sort of they locked their borders and then we sort of shut down and then i was by myself

so i think no i think i've had a lot of your talk about the game and i think a lot of the

interesting things about it that i've heard and it's that you've been able to experience a lot of

things about it over the years but you know i think one of the closest things to the thing

that i've seen in life is that you know you know when you're in this situation and you have this

um it's just like this thing where you're just you're there just like sitting in there in your

own thoughts and what's what's going to happen now and i just sort of realized that i was a very

what's what's going to happen what's something um what's this like smallest thing that you'd

sort of start to dwell over because a lot of people might think it's performances but is

there like anything that was in your day-to-day life that would start to stress you out um just

the fact of me being by myself like i sort of envied the boys in the team that had families

and um sorry excuse me yeah i sort of envy the boys that had families and people to go home to

because um you could you could go to training and see your friends and you go home and see

your family your loved ones and for me it was just going home and just sitting there like

i would i would dread going home to be honest like i would sit in the car in the garage for

like 20 30 minutes just sitting there scrolling on my phone because i didn't want to go inside

because i because i felt like i was still out so yeah just going home was a tough task for me like

it was um it was daunting and i it was home where there's usually the safe space for you and then

comfortable it didn't really feel like home it felt like just a place for me to sleep and it was

yeah it was it was tough like i know comparing hardships is never the way to go and you always

think like someone out there has got it harder for me but yeah it was it was tough for me so yeah

yeah that's yeah that's a big thing hey because a lot of people like everyone always seems to

compare like say football and like you lose a game and like oh these guys are digging holes

like you know that's always the comparison that people go through

that's a good point you bring up about like not comparing like yeah because i do it as well like

at those times i'll have conversations with my partner and she'll say something and then i'll

be like oh that's like me you're like i've gone through this like everyone's hardest thing that

they've gone through is the hardest thing that they've gone through yeah yeah it's like a like

you've got a battle of who's going through the heart of stuff you know like like if it's like

it might not be like things you know you say something about someone and it might not be

offensive to them but you never know who's listening in like it could be offensive to

them you know because it could be offended to someone else and

like when you compare things it's just there's no there's no real winner like what are you trying to

win there like who's sadder who's sadder like why can't you try and you don't want to win that

comment no you don't you want to sort of have the capacity to help them if they're feeling down and

have them help you like there's no point going back and forth of who's had it hardest like

yeah because you don't there's no winners there's all both losers so when you off like

over this past couple years start to like look at yourself and sort of unpack things

do you look back at your childhood was there anything traumatic that happened in your childhood

a big believer in therapy um i've been seeing this guy a therapist for the last

maybe two months now um every sort of two weeks and it's been the best thing you never

you never realize how like much stuff has been buried into you from such a young age

like a childhood and then how it actually affects you as an adult like yeah i've unpacked things

with him that from a child that might have framed me to who i am today um and how i handle sort of

things like you know obviously he he taught me that two things can coincide um you can love

your parents and everything but you can also be upset with what they did to you as a child and um

being an islander from an island of father who's um very strict and and disciplined and

his sort of and you know you sort of get the hiding every every now and then and

um the reason for it was never explained it was just you know something like because i love you

i do this because i love you like so then you sort of associate love and violence and it's like

if that's how love is what's hate like you know you never you sort of like

how bad is hate if i'm getting if i'm getting a hiding because i'm loved you know like

and you look back on it like did you deserve some of the hidings

i think there was better ways to handle it of course um but you know i respect my dad a lot um

and i love my dad um but i do think looking back on my childhood now there was definitely things

could have been handled differently um but yeah it was it was a you never realize until you've

grown out of it and you've moved on and you become an adult and you start talking about it that

things from back then haven't have an effect on the adulthood that you are today do you think

about there is an element of sympathy towards him because potentially that that's how he was brought

up yeah 100 100 like i i spoke to my mum when we went back for round one i got um the chance to have

lunch with my mum and i was like oh my god i'm going to have lunch with my mum and i'm going to

have lunch with my mum and i'm going to have lunch with my mum and i'm going to have lunch with my mum

and i spoke to her and i was like you know obviously i'm being me being the eldest do you

think i caught the brunt of how dad grew up and she was like 100 you did um there were so many

times that me and your dad had arguments about the way he handled you and we sort of got into verbal

altercations and um hearing that was like it sort of yeah i did sympathize with my dad because you

know

especially him like his generation they never saw vulnerability of strength or tears as strength

but they just saw it as weakness and they saw like emotions as weakness and you never and i doubt he

ever saw his uncles or elder cousins or father cry more than twice or unless it was at a family

funeral or something like that you know and i can recall how many times i saw my dad cry it was like

maybe three or four right i'm same like i remember my dad crying when i was a kid like maybe twice

yeah and you're never around it so then you then you grow up and you're like nah this is why

this is why it's such an important topic now that you know men's mental health like people got to

realize that you're not diminishing a masculinity you're just opening up an avenue for you to

alleviate the stress other than going out and having a drink or prescription drexCo prescriptions drugs or punching holes in the walls you're giving you what to cut in present and to fallen intogests you're electing and you can't fight with your employer or what's yourоду what's your tea seal okay or smoking companies but yeah i'm really empty Attention now is all about

walls like you know it's they're extreme um avenues but there's also ways that you know like

talking to someone like saying two words writing in a book your thoughts that are going on in your

head or or um going for a walk or something you know like i'm still working on that myself you

know i feel like i get a bit heated and i and i project my anger out the wrong way and i'm still

working on that with my therapist and trying to get myself to a point where i can sort of just

take five minutes by myself and come back and refresh and talk with my partner more calm and

clear but um yeah i do look at i do look at my dad and i think like if you know you you only did what

you knew yeah for sure for sure but i can relate to the story like so much um because my dad like

was my coach he was like tough um i never got like hidings or anything but like it was an option you

know what i mean um but like when i got to about 2021 i was over in england and things weren't

going my way and i couldn't like handle the pressure and i like dived into like valium

and prescription drugs and i could get access to them like straight away in xanax and i used to

have them all the time and i remember like even a couple weeks ago like a lot of things are changing

in my life at the moment and i remember i had this one random thought i was like i just love

a valium right now so i'm gonna get like 12 hours sleep so it's bro it's interesting you sort of

bring that up because i used to use it as a coping mechanism for me to get by or use alcohol as a

coping mechanism to get by instead of just opening up or like being

sad and i remember i cried maybe about twice or three times in um in my football career and i

remember i snapped my achilles and it was a week after i played a test match i went back to reserve

grade because i made it from which is a crazy story and i snapped it in the first minute and

i was like bro i was so down and i remember i went in and he's like oh you snapped your achilles your

season's over and i just started like crying and i cried for like five minutes and then i like come

out and i like wiped my tears and i was like went back to the sideline i was like oh i have to be a

good teammate here and like i don't want anyone to know that i'm like i was crying or i'm a

and i was just sitting there like yeah yeah and then i got my surgery and i was lying in bed for

like a day but i couldn't stop crying yeah i remember i felt better after yeah it's crazy

how like good you feel after it's just like all the all the built-up emotions like you would have

been feeling then you would have been feeling like um hard done by you would have been feeling

like this is not my fault like why is this happening to me yeah you would have felt all

those emotions and then like just an overflow of them just made you cry and it was like i feel i

feel like that's that's what i see crying as is i see crying as all the stress and the built-up

anger and the frustration that you have with certain things just letting it out like because

then after you feel tired and you want to go for a sleep and you wake up and you're sweet

like it's so exhausting to have a big cry yeah but um you know like waking up after you're like

yeah this is actually i could i needed that yeah and it's like after you cry sometimes it's like

actually wasn't that bad yeah yeah it feels like that yeah it's like

obviously when you're under pressure and and stress and there's a lot of emotions flowing

through your body and your iq seems to lower like everything feels like a lot worse than what it

actually is bro yeah but i can relate probably need to cry a bit more to be fair it's a good

play um so you're going through therapy now it's kind of a weird topic still to talk about and you

like when you said oh you sort of jumped up in your seat a little bit like your body language

change what's it like going through therapy like is it hard the first time does it get easier does

it get harder over time does it does it feel like it's going to be a little bit harder over time

like your therapist is saying the same shit after a couple times yeah it's definitely hard

at the beginning um you sort of go through this process of sort of who's this guy like

how's he going to help me um but you've got to remember that you know they're the safest space

because they can't say they legally cannot say anything to anyone about it so they're a vault

really and um he was really good because the first session he said whatever you say whatever you

i can handle it i'm okay with it like i'm not like he's managed to be able to compartmentalize

himself so that he's free to talk to me about anything and i'm free to talk to him about

anything and he's not going to feel like he can't handle it and sort of give me false advice or like

shy away from a topic like and that made me feel real safe because yeah no matter how big or small

i can talk to him about it and it is sort of hard because you don't want to i think the hardest part

about therapy is going through therapy and i think that's the hardest part about therapy is going

in when nothing's wrong because usually you go to therapy you have something to start the

conversation off and you can lead it because something's playing up in your life or like

something's not right in your life and you and it's easier to talk about the sorrows in your life

but then i think it's important to still go to therapy even when you're feeling good because

it gives you tools to still feel that way and um i think it's a checkpoint when you feel good and

you go to therapy it's a checkpoint that okay what i've learned from him so far is working

what else can i learn from him to keep me

progressing and not regressing and um yeah i found it hard going in a couple sessions after

the first couple because it was a positive like i was like oh nothing's even like i'm not sure why

i'm here like at the moment does he dig like a little bit deeper or is he like happy for you to

be in that space yeah he is he is happy with you but he also wants you to sort of sit there and

like try and find not even if it's not negative just try to find something that you think you

can work on like just continue on like even give feedback on how

his strategies worked for you and then you can sort of add on to it without giving too much away

what's some of the tools that he's given you that that help you so this is a big one for me i'm gonna

suffer the body language again but i think it's important for us as as um men that with partners

that we sort of look at um because you know how you're a young man and you your your dad's talking

to you never hit your partner never hit a woman yeah you should never ever hit a woman of course

but then they're verbally bashing them

so you you're around guys that swear at their partners or you swear at their or their the woman

in their life and that and you value but you never you never hit them so you're okay so you value the

physical violence and never to do it but you don't value the verbal violence mental abuse mental

abuse what you should be doing is having them neck and neck because they're both as damaging

like there might not be bruises or physical evidence that you've abused this person but

mentally like it could be draining for them you could have like diminished their

being for a little bit and then make them cry and then you've valued this more than that when

they they're side by side in my opinion his opinion and i was like it's so true like you

think you're doing good because you're not laying hands on them but what are you doing on the other

side you're questioning their character you're insulting them you're you know questioning who

they are and like yeah i feel like that was massive for me to learn um so you're in a

relationship now and things start to get heated what do you do uh sort of you know we have the

ability to sort of say i need five minutes yeah it's five minutes long enough oh it could be five

minutes would be like 30 seconds you just walk up and you just think about you're like you just

have time to yourself but we made a rule like if you're the one that leaves the house or leaves

the space you you come in and you start off like you like obviously it was too much for you to

handle so you've taken your space and you've taken time to think about a way to respond and

you're the first one that should be talking because then you can respond the way you want to respond

and then i think that sort of the person that has calmed down has had the ability to calm down

sort of can lead the conversation back to calm like yeah he also taught me this thing about

two different people coming together obviously have two two different core beliefs

systems you sort of have disagreements but you contend and then you collaborate so

you have that sort of face off like like you know you're squaring off like a hypothetical

metaphorical speaking like you're facing off in a boxing or you're about to fight your opponent and

you face off and then instead of like they go to combat and they go to battle you just contend there

and you go the same way and you collaborate and how you can be better together like how your core

beliefs can intertwine and go go together instead of just like headbutting and just be like not not

not not not like that's going to make people fire fire fire like and it's just going to be like

popcorn it's going to be like this this this and then bang yeah something's going to happen oh fuck

it's interesting you say that because i find myself like that too because like well i'll have a

conversation with like an employee or like whatever and like i find it once the conversations doesn't

start to go my way i just almost go in like that that attack mode yeah and like verbally like i can

say like a lot of things and like quick-witted and like rude sometimes and egotistical sometimes

and i find myself i can't help it bro yeah well just go bang i think that was like me like i'm

sort of i was sort of similar like i felt like you say one like we get to this point of the argument

you said something to me and it's just like you've gone at me so i'm going to come back at

you because i can now like he mentioned it's like self-defense yeah yeah but he started it he

mentioned it like sort of going back to how you were as a child like you got to this point with

like your father your dad and you weren't big enough to go back at him so he just took it

but now you're big enough to stand up for yourself and say something you will

and i was like that's like honestly it was so like how do you get that from me being a six-year-old

or seven-year-old eight-year-old kid to now like yeah how does that even work and it was yeah

it's just and like going back to that having an islander parent as well and it's like

if you ask something it's like because i because i told you yeah yeah that's just what it is yeah

it was never like there was never a conversation there was it nah it was just always do this

because i tell you to um and if you said like if you ask why you're like why are you talking back

why are you disrespecting me it's just like yeah it was sort of never a win like yeah yeah you're

always going to lose yeah yeah

here's a question for you red bull red pool blue pill would you change your upbringing

or if you if you if you're knowing what you knew now and you could be the person you are right now

or the kid that never got disciplined never got a hiding which one would you take yeah that's a

hard question because i never knew the other side of the other side of it so i i dare say

do you reckon you would have been a potential like an nrl player yeah um i i probably stick with what i

went through to be honest um and that might be the wrong answer to some people because it might

contradict of what i just said but um yeah that's a very very good question to be honest like

i would love to go back and do things differently but i can't change who my dad was like and what my

day went through if i take either those pills so i i dare say i get the same sort of treatment

because he hasn't changed do you ever look at someone like now because i live at ace and you see

a spoiled kid 25 life happens to them they start to crumble and sometimes you look at him you can

tell he never got a hiding growing up do you ever look at guys like that and think of that yeah i do

um but then i also think like their life would have been hard in another way you know like

uh who am i to talk on their life and who are they to talk on my life like um like i i know what i

went through i don't know what they're going through i don't know you know i feel like

a lot of that stuff over like you know the east there's a fair few um people that do commit

suicide and then they're quite wealthy as well like they just find things just too hard like

maybe their life they they weren't taught sort of lessons to handle pressure and that because

they were sort of not faced with it like they weren't faced with as much as someone that you

know didn't have as much and learn how to build resilience and i think that's a hard thing to live

like not knowing those lessons young to get them as an adult and not know how to handle it i think

that's pretty hard like that's when that's when goes to you know as the fan when you're sort of

mid-20s and like never faced with adversity or pressure and like

how how would you handle it yeah for sure um the way you're sort of talking about that boxing

analogy i heard one the other day and it's about like negotiations it's more so about business

where like a lot of like say arguments or negotiations are like this like we're sitting

across the thing i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't

know across from each other we're having a conversation and it's like what they were sort

of talking about is like who can sit in the most uncomfortable awkwardness the longest but the way

that he reframed it and he goes all right this is a negotiation but let me come to that side of the

table with you and the and what's on this side is the problem and the problem that we're trying to

solve yeah so like when i heard it when i heard you frame that up like that i was like oh that's

an interesting way to frame it up but i thought of that one as well like yeah that's pretty this is

this is this is the issue how are we as a team going to like figure this out yeah yeah because

no point of you like no point of both parties coming to the table with two different things

and never agreeing like find that common ground where you can work on it and then and go together

you talk about core values a lot and something i read up on a lot over the past couple years

what are your core values um respect honesty those are values yeah yeah i've got to try to

remember what they mean but yeah respect honesty um yeah

it's hard to talk about core values now that you've actually asked me the question but it's um

yeah respect and honesty like care careful like caring with people and um discipline would be a

value um but you'd go differently about it nowadays um and hard work resilience and sort of

don't really care about what other people say how do you get to that point where you don't care what

other people say

uh you just sort of got to learn about people have opinions doesn't mean they're true you know

like they're like you know opinions like everyone's got one doesn't mean they should be

open you know you can you can take that out if you want to i just want to say that i just want

to say that you just have that back yeah yeah but um yeah like people are going to say whatever they

want like it doesn't change who you are as long as you're true to yourself and what you believe in

then who cares like i've seen people slander penrith after they've won three championships in a row

like how can you talk down on them but they'll but someone will find a way to like it's just i can

guarantee those boys don't care about that like they're they're people that are writing these

things and saying these opinions are watching them you know so yeah it's just opinions are

just they're not true how's therapy helped your footy it's made me find balancing like um

made me realize that um when you're when you're balanced off field and your mind is not true and

is clear with everything you can sort of focus on footy and it sort of progresses a lot more um

so i feel like your if your mind is clouded off the field you go in with the intention to

not intention but like you go in with a cloud of mind on the field and things will happen like

you'll drop the ball like you'll focus so much on not dropping the ball that you drop the ball or

um you'll miss a tackle and cause a try and then you'll be down and you won't be able to

you won't be able to dig yourself out because your mind is already clouded and you're already like

like i'm i'm useless like yeah that's going to be a video or everyone's going to think about this

yeah that's going to be like i used to be like that man i used to i used to go out there and

play and try to play well so i wouldn't have a video clip on me in the video session because

i was so scared of being embarrassed and coaches would say this is not personal this is just trying

to get us better and you're always like off this is like you're you've got two or three

clips of me that's personal man like yeah you're trying to get at me here and then

i just decided that one day i'd go out there and

to not let the team down and not let the boys next to me down because i know they're not going

to let me down so i play for them it's funny you say that bro when i was in 20s um because you know

they got stats all after the games and like um i had seven missed tackles or eight missed tackles

in the game and it was like the first thing that popped up and i remember i was like what's the

definition of a missed tackle like technically because some of them were like i felt they were

a bit iffy yeah yeah and basically one of the coaches said like if you put your hand on them

and they like brush past bus pass or something like if you touch them and you don't complete the

with the standard that we think should be a completed tackle as class as a miss and i

remember one time bro the next game like um the boys ran a line on me oh they run a double lead

on me and i was a half and i went in like that on the main guy but i knew the pass was coming

across for me and instead of me like leaving my arm out like that i remember i tucked my arm in

because i didn't want to i was gonna i was gonna miss him anyway like no matter what but

the fact that i didn't even try yeah like that wig me out and i remember and i was like and then

just said i'll say but it was quick it was weird how quickly that process through my brain yeah

like he's come to the line the balls come across my face i could make half an effort i'm not going

to affect the tackle but i knew in my mind i was like oh if i don't touch me i'm not getting

into something and then i'm going to video yeah that was crazy like how much that sort

of stuff plays in your mind day like yeah you talk to a few boys in the um around the

club and the comp like people are so strung up on what could go wrong like there's a

like you know changing the terminology of like don't drop the ball don't drop the ball

you go out there what happens you're so focused on not dropping the ball you drop the ball

it's like you know golfers when they want to hit it onto the green they don't say

don't hit it into the water they say what am i going to do i'm going to get my stroke right and

it'll hit it to the green like you know you go there's a footy player you go if i don't want to

drop the ball what do i need to do i need to make it early catch i need to tuck it in i need to get

my bumpers up so i'm blocking the ball and i need to hold the ball tight like that's what you should

not the actual error itself because i feel like if you're focusing on the negative that's what you

it's all you're going to do because you're so strung up on it yeah that's like when i played

half like obviously when you're waiting for the kickoffs like the first kickoff

you know when they shape the ball up the right way like thank i remember because i i used to

like i used to love watching pat richards do the kickoffs oh no turn it bro yeah i'm like i feel

sorry for those halfbacks trying to catch that a like it's even worse being a forward on the dead

ball line yeah and you see the

boy you're like no he's got this no he hasn't got this oh this is getting close to my foot out

do i touch it do i catch it what do i do here and like you got to focus on catching the ball in the

air but nas yeah just terminology of things i can can help the mind speaking of broke the kickoff

that's a big obviously they're trying to like cancel at the moment which is the mama and the

dumbest ever what's your thoughts on it you live in that space you live i love it i love the kickoff

runs i love having them run back at cook off because i feel like it's it like sets the game up

um boys go in there stressed out and you know everyone's like oh once you get your first carry

out the way once you get your first tackle out the way you're sweet oh if that's the case and i want

my first carry with the first of the game so i'm sweet for the rest you know like i don't i think

it's it's tough because obviously there's been some head knocks and collisions out there but

man you can get whiplash from driving a car you can get whiplash from training you can get all

that from you know like it's just an unfortunate event that happens in a game that's full contact

but man if you lose that play and if you need increase teżiosta ni

i'm not with the whole change of kickoff because then you lose a big aspect of the game and

i love kickoff runs man i love i love being on the other side of kickoff friends when

i try to defend them like it's and realistically like people go oh it's like 1 into 30 realistically

it's not it's a game between the props isn't it yeah 100 like it's you versus two or three

of your guys maybe a back maybe a back row gets a shot and nowadays front row is a bit faster so if

you're just lining up you're just having fun pretty ==== è

adaşweder Moyer community but obviously team of three of three times at least that's the case at

least that's you know i don't think there's a reason why many times where i want to do it less is

and nowadays front row is a bit faster so they they sort of see those four coming like the back

rower the two middles and then they sort of go yep yeah where's the heart there's the there's

a hooker there because the hooker usually kicks off so i'll just go that little gap there like

they're smart with it like it's just a bit of bravado like showmanship really and it's just

unfortunate that guys get sort of pinballed in the middle like if you go in with the intent and

like right technique you're you're gonna be fine yeah yeah uh hopefully they keep it like i can't

i can't see them changing today it's too it's too important yeah 100 yeah and like um i've

been listening to james graham talk about it a lot and like he says he like he lived for that

contact and you guys props are a special breed they love that yeah well me and me and jimmy

actually had a kickoff um interaction that he speaks about on his podcast oh yeah yeah um

and like to hear him say that he wants it in like the one of the hardest men

that has ever played the game to hear him say that he wants to keep it in just keep it in man like

it's crazy that people that aren't or haven't done a kickoff run or try to do a kickoff like

defend one other biggest advocates for it like mate get on the like do one at least and then

it's like tell us you know like you can't have ever played footy and try and make rules and

and changes to benefit it like it's already a fast enough game you already got 200 changes

down from back a couple years ago like how much more like faster and

less aggressive do you want it yeah yeah it's getting annoying eh i used to hate when

i was like dean up and props start varying this way off bro i run to the middle you can

talk on the way out go to the middle he scared boys

he's scared have a look you had a look uh what do you think of the paul king stuff

that's been happening recently no comment that tree is a bit of a tough tree in there

oh it's pretty difficult bro it's ironic that he um

um host 360 because he was 360 into the tree so um yeah it's someone that you know obviously he's

human as well so he makes mistakes but the way he handles players mistakes and how much he he

goes at them like that's yeah like you get what you get i guess say like you can't be you can't

be near disrespectful to someone that's making mistakes as a player and then you you just expect

to get off scotch free you know like that's not that's not how the world works that's not how

the universe works and you know i'm lucky it is yeah it is rnk like we've done a podcast the other

day and we're normally talking about it and obviously normie's never been a squeaky character

off the field and he's been like bagged by him so it's just funny to sort of see the reaction

yeah from all the boys that have been bagged in the past i haven't like i've been lucky enough to

not have been bagged by him but you feel bad for the boys that have done it have been bagged by him

because of your mates as well

you know for sure um so you got to have your brother's backs and yeah i guess whatever

happens happens from it like if if i dare say if he doesn't go back on 360 no one will be

disappointed yeah 100 percent um i think like having more players drive media and current

players drive media is the way to go in my opinion yeah because like you said like journalists are

the one that are pushing for the no kickoffs and the head knocks and all that sort of stuff

but they've never played the game yeah we understand the risk yeah that we play yeah

and like that's what you do you play rugby league because of the full contact sport like you can't

take something out of it because of you know you know what you're signing up for you know the risks

of possible head knocks and broken bones and torn ligaments and all that stuff like that so yeah

that's less worrying also like the hip drops and stuff like that's the stuff that makes me go oh

yeah like i know they're trying to out roll it and stuff happens yeah but that's the scary stuff for

me because i've had like lower like you've needed it yeah i've sent my achilles like yeah it was ugh

rough eh because i feel like they're avoidable man like if you just tackle properly you won't

be swinging around the back yeah you gotta get your body in front yeah your body actually have

a crack like if you want to go for a low tackle dip dip on them and like lift them like you got

we got blake blake braley that's what barely 80 kilos and he's dipping on front rollers and like

he's he's not swinging on the back of people's legs and dropping on the ankles like you know

i feel like when i used to try and dip on people i feel like they could tell when it was coming

yeah i must i must have like televisor too much yeah try and give up the fake eyes and then dark

and then beauty on your back like blake has such a great technique at doing it and jack williams

too man they those guys are like present so late and then just boom like it's it's funny seeing

front rollers get dipped by blake yeah that's the worst feeling yeah yeah because then you're like

you're picked up with one leg up and you're like oh just put me on my back man do i go on my back

or do i just like self-preservation and then get up go do that where were you man bro i think props

maybe like

one is uh the one position that can go like one-on-one like a center jesse raymond can look

up his center and go fuck let's go like we're on air you can challenge each other props can do the

same as well yeah who's who's the couple guys that like when they're when their calendar comes out

that you look forward to playing to in your position um oh bro to be honest everyone eh like

if you go into a game not keen to go against some elite athletes in your position then

yeah like i'm keen on going against the best of the best to see where i am and you know

um and do my thing like if they if they get the better of me they get better me like it's not

gonna it's not the end of the world like there's you'll pay them again eventually to redeem yourself

like these battles are just they're they're made to be had and um you know i'm i'm keen to go up

into every forward pack that's out there like i don't shy away from anyone and

um i'll keep that like till till i talk till i retire like i'm i'm very big on on like first

up contact and that and try to get the best of the opponents so yeah give me your three two one

as in right now right now today um yeah i'll probably say uh adam will be up there with three

um pain will be there and joey tap

one joey taps will be there too yeah yeah true he's the guy yeah he's he's he's the rock down

there man he's charging yeah i love that um i'm actually a tough question bro ever thought about

committing suicide on your down days um never to a point where i've actually thought yeah this is

what i want to do but i definitely thought like would i be missed would that would it be tough

for others around me and

like i i sort of thought how once um i was sort of writing a journal entry uh at the national park

in cornell and that's sort of the edge of exactly yeah the edge of it where the whales and that go

through and um like i thought like if i was to just go like i felt like i felt like real depressed

but i was i wasn't sure if i was just a person that had um

who felt depressed or actually had depression like like which way um i look back on it now and

i think i was just a guy in a tough spot but not someone that was suffering from depression so i

wouldn't say i ever suffered from depression but um yeah i thought like if i was to just

lean forward like what would that look like and but yeah never to a point where i was like oh

this is the nah i've been quite lucky in that sort of headspace what does um generally look like for

you do you follow a certain process is it something you do daily i try to do it daily i've

been a bit slack at the moment with it but i do one every after every week i'll sort of um write

out how the week went um how i felt through the certain days and um what i want to look like what

i want next week to look like and how i can control that and um yeah sometimes it's like

three words sometimes it's three pages like it can vary um but yeah every each day is different

each week's different um but i think it's it's a little bit different but i think it's a little bit

different um but i like to keep it because it because you go to sleep clear like even though

you're still thinking about your writing your writings in that book you close that book and

you're just you're you're done like all those thoughts are gone yeah i do it um i do it from

my like broadcast channel when i always post that stuff oh yeah like sometimes at night so i'm like

i can't sleep and i'll just type type type yeah they're kind of just more certain like notes to

myself i i obviously post them publicly yeah yeah i don't post all of them but like you feel like

when you go to sleep you're laid down and you feel knackered and then you boom hit the pillow and it's

like a thousand thoughts going through your head and like where they come from like so then yeah

you just sort of journal it before you go to sleep and you're away yeah all right but what do you

want your legacy to be as a person and as a player i want to be a uh as a player i want to be people

uh a player that people wanted to play with um that could look next to them and be like yep this

guy's got me and as a person i just wanted to be someone that sort of is pure and true to who they

are um kind you know put people first and and um yeah just never shut never deviated from who he

really was what about as a person and as a partner yeah i want to be the best um i want to be the best

partner that my partner deserves um i want to be a safe space for her i don't want her to be

worried about me or

thinking about negative stuff um that i could be doing or stuff like that and

i'll be honest and true to her and um i know that'll be reciprocated from her and

um yeah and i know that she knows that she's loved so i love that bro i just want to thank

you for your time and being in a space where you guys we could open up and i know a lot of

people can get a lot of value out of this so wishing you all the best for the season

hopefully can i make the gf and roosters pump you appreciate it bro thank you thank you

you